Is the Adoptee/(birth) mother reunion ever (re)solved?

Evelyn Robinson

"When I talk to people about the loss of my son, they sometimes ask why I want to 'take up the past' and why didn't I let 'sleeping dogs lie.' When you give birth to a child, especially when that child still lives, that child does not exist in the past, but in the present. Once you have given birth, you are that child's mother and you will always be a mother, no matter what. Being a mother never ends; it is never in the past. There is no such thing as an ex-mother.

"Natural mothers have spent their lives apologizing. We apologized for getting pregnant, but we were not the only people having sexual relationships. We apologized for giving away our babies, but we were told by everyone that it was the right thing to do for our children. We apologized for missing our children, but it was a perfectly natural reaction for missing our children. Some mothers are still apologizing for wanting to find their lost children. It is time we stopped apologizing. It is right for us to search for our children, We are mothers, after all.

Why birth/natural mother-adoptee reunions go awry

Lorraine

Someone asked recently if we could report on good reunions--without the hurt and anger and rage that so often breaks out here on First Mother Forum. Well, I wish I had better news to report, but the operating mode seems to be what was first mentioned in a comment at an earlier post: advance and retreat. Reunion is like a huge ocean wave that comes in and thrashes everyone about, and in the process, everyone's emotions are rubbed raw again, feelings are tender, real rage can emerge.