"Adopted child contacts birth mother" or adoptee finds birth mother" or What to do when adoptee calls birth mother" are phrases that I imagine some women are Goggling these days as they get a call or letter out of the blue--a call or letter that they thought might never come. But they do. In a variety of ways. The contact maybe made via letter or phone call, directly or through an intermediary. The other day a distraught woman wrote to us through a comment at the page about writing the first letter to a Birth Mother or Sibling. I am repeating it here because DNA is locating more individuals every day, and there will be more during the holiday season:
A search for a first mother is over, almost. The adopted individual makes contact with a relative because that is where the trail led. The relative--sister, brother, uncle, cousin--hesitates. Her sister, niece, cousin has never spoken of "that time" or "the baby." The first mother has had a mediocre life, or a messy life, with serious and serial "issues." A life had started out so promising, but after the baby, well, never got back on track--bad marriages, college plans gone awry, low level jobs that led nowhere. Or conversely, the woman has "put all that behind her" and become a successful professional, with or without a husband and other children, but either way, she is well respected in her profession and community. The relative hesitates. Wonders what to do. The adoptee waits, thinking this is the best thing to do--put it in the hands of a relative. Besides, she's fearful anyway, fearful of rejection, fearful of how a single phone call might change her life, fearful. What happens next is totally in the hands of the relative, and for the time being that feels safe. Let someone else contact the birth mother first.
