Part two: Navigating the first meeting between birth mother and child

A continuation of Sunday's post (June 24, 2012) about how best to manage and survive a first-time meeting with your surrendered son or daughter.

Lorraine

MONEY AND GIFTS
As we noted in the first section of this double-post on reunions between mothers and their surrendered children, you may spend some time sight-seeing if either of you have come a long distance to see the other. But that can turn out to be expensive, and the question of who pays for what can be a tricky one. While you, the mother, may feel as if it is your job to pick up all the costs--event tickets, meals, transportation--just like a parent, that may not be the best course of action. Your newly found son or daughter may feel that taking gifts implies a continued relationship--just as in a courtship--and he or she may be not sure if that is how they want to proceed, and feel that the gifts of tickets, expensive meals, whatever, places him under more obligation than he feels comfortable with. 

Navigating the first meeting between birth mother and child

Jane

Jane and her surrendered daughter, Rebecca, connected soon after Rebecca's 31^st birthday in November, 1997. They corresponded via email and telephone and agreed to meet over the Martin Luther King holiday in January, 1998. At the time, Jane lived in Salem, Oregon and Rebecca in suburban Chicago. It seemed best that Jane come to Rebecca's home because, with a husband and three young children, it would be difficult for her to get away.

Jane was slow to exit the plane when it landed at O’Hare, her heart racing; her breathing labored, her legs unwilling to move. The crowd had cleared by the time Jane stepped into the waiting area. This was before the 9/11 security precautions when people meeting arriving passengers could still come to the gate. She searched for a familiar face although she did not know what Rebecca looked like; they had not exchanged photographs.