Father's Names on Birth certificates: More artifice than fact

Oregon Health Authority

 

The baby may look like his dad, have his dad's  eyes and hair, but unless his parents have done their paperwork, his real dad may never be his legal father. As the chart above attests, Oregon laws, like those of other states, create a labyrinth which unmarried men seeking to establish themselves as fathers must navigate at their peril.

When my daughter Rebecca was born in California in 1966, the Vital Statistics Registrar took

Is it a 'Birth' Certificate or Certificate of Title?

Jane

Birth certificates have become legal instruments, reflecting ownership of children rather than parentage. In surrogacy-friendly California, birth certificates of children created in vitro with “donated” eggs and sperm, born to surrogates identify those who paid for the creation as the parents. In the Brave New World of “assisted reproduction” these children depend on the kindness of their legal parents and surrogacy clinic policies to learn whose DNA they carry.

My (relinquished) daughter talks about adoption

From left: Lorraine and Jane, 1988; same jeans, bought separately

Well before my relinquished daughter Jane died, I did have the opportunity to talk to her about adoption on tape. She knew I was writing a memoir to follow up Birthmark, and that I would include her story. I was visiting her and her daughter Kim in Wisconsin, where they were living with her adoptive parents.

Stumbling through the first mother/adoptee maze

I'm trying to be on vacation with my family who are visiting from Michigan, and so I'm posting as a fresh blog post a comment from an adoptee, Tamara, and my response. 

Lorraine

Lorraine,

Let me begin by saying I have the utmost respect for you, for your truth and your courage and your writing. I have gained unfathomable insights from your blog, and from your writings and insights. As an adoptee who found her mother too late (she had already passed) you and Jane and your contributors have helped me "know" my mother.

Birth Mother? First Mother? Both names are belittling

Lorraine

By Lorraine Dusky  (c) 2011

Shortly after my daughter, Jane—whom I had given up for adoption but had reunited with a quarter of a century earlier—died my husband and a friend of ours were talking about the circumstances of her death at a cocktail party I had chosen not to attend.

If you are an adoptive parent reading this blog, do I have your attention yet? I’ve used words that adoptive parents recoil from: gave up, daughter without modifiers,

The Trauma of being adopted

Lorraine

NOTE: Today's blog is about the impact of adoption on our children, the adult children we natural mothers surrendered for adoption. This is not to diminish the impact of surrender on first/birth mothers or excuse any behavior of this group; that is what First Mother Forum is primarily dedicated to. However, the discussion of last week about post-reunion relationships brought led us to today's subject: The Trauma of being adopted.

The [birth] mother and child reunion, Part 3

Lorraine & Jane, 1983

A comment came in yesterday from our blogger friend and adoptee Amanda* that needs to be widely read:

"One common thing among adoptees and other hurting people (no, not all adoptees are like this) is that they do not believe they make an impact on those around them. This is usually seen in trauma

When birth/natural mother-adoptee reunions go awry, Part 2

Lorraine

Who suffers more, the adoptee or the birth mother? It's like answering the question, How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? There is no answer, but one can reflect that first mothers had a time before they surrendered their children, while adoptees have no period of consciousness before they were given away and adopted. Be that as it may, we mothers in reunion have to deal

Why birth/natural mother-adoptee reunions go awry

Lorraine

Someone asked recently if we could report on good reunions--without the hurt and anger and rage that so often breaks out here on First Mother Forum. Well, I wish I had better news to report, but the operating mode seems to be what was first mentioned in a comment at an earlier post: advance and retreat. Reunion is like a huge ocean wave that comes in and thrashes everyone about, and in the process, everyone's emotions are rubbed raw again, feelings are tender, real rage can emerge.

Family Reunions: Distorted by Adoption

Jane

Family reunions are a fine tradition but for me and other natural mothers, they can be a catalyst, bringing our buried grief to the surface, reminding us of the missing unnamed and unacknowledged family member. 

I'm leaving for Maui tomorrow to spend a week with my sisters and brother, nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, and their spouses and significant others. We've been holding these reunions every three years since 1975.

After the Mother and Daughter Reunion....

Jane and Lorraine, 1983

Other than the disappointment over her natural father's refusal to meet her, you may be assuming that everything was hunky-dory when my daughter Jane* visited--as she did for weeks and then whole summers--and that we continued to bond without issues, that I was generally on Cloud Nine, and that she went back to her adoptive family and home in Wisconsin like a shiny penny, self-esteem restored, LD (learning disabled) classes—what’s that?

Wrong.