Analysis: Three Identical Strangers separated at birth for a social experiment now in theaters!

"Disaster," "havoc,""pathology," "harmful" were words that peppered the language of a disgruntled, staunch opponent of unsealing the birth records of the adopted when I testified in favor of doing just that. The year was 1976, the place was the capital of New York, Albany, and the venue was a joint Senate-Assembly hearing titled: Sealed Adoption Records and Identity. I was there with Florence Fisher, founder of the Adoptees Liberty Movement Association, Betty Jean Lifton, and a few others.

When I'd spoken a few minutes before this old guy who used the language above, had made audible, disgusted noises that were heard throughout the chamber. Who was this rude asshole? Now that he was speaking, I learned he was the attorney, Shad Polier, representing the Louise Wise Agency in New York. And yes, one of the adoption agencies who were fighting unsealing records with an iron fist.

God's Plan leads to Planning to Adopt

Lorraine

"When we were still dating, a common bond that drew us together was the fact that Rachel and I both wanted to adopt. While we were fertile, we were both deeply convicted that one of the ways to be pro-life is to involve ourselves in adoption."

So goes a story the other day in The Washington Post about a couple who gave birth to a set of triplets from adopted embryos. What made the story stand out is that the couple are white missionaries and the triplets are African American. Aaron and Rachel Halbert already had adopted an African-American boy and a biracial girl in Mississippi, and wanted to add to their family. They did it this newfangled way "with the deeply held conviction that if the Lord wanted us to have a fully Caucasian child my wife would conceive naturally."

Surrogacy today: The American Way?

Lorraine her daughter Jane, third meeting in 1982.

At a ladies lunch the other day: One woman, brought by a friend but unknown to the rest of us, describes how her gay friends had children. First, one of the partners had a child with a surrogate, a little girl. Origin of egg is uncertain at this point, but probably from a third party; I hesitate to ask. I don't want to be a part of this conversation but there I am, drinking iced tea.

My friends all know my status. One woman present has, in a moment of inebriated anger, called me a "reproductive agent," a phrase I am certain she got from the grandparents of children adopted from Russia, her close friends. I know, it's terrible,

This Is Us gets adoption right

Lorraine

Does media attention to the issues of adoption change society's perception of adoption?

Absolutely.

Every show that focuses on adoption moves public opinion--media attention is a major reason the acceptance of LGBT individuals and marriage equality moved seemingly quickly, compared to the adoption reform. But progress on our issue is being made and more states have at least limited access to birth information for adoptees. Shows also now portray adoption in less than a glowing light. Sixteen and Pregnant, for instance, went from showing Catelynn and Tyler's giving up of their daughter in at least partly positive light so they could go about their teenage lives and finish school, et cetera, but a few years into their semi-open adoption, the audience learns that not all is happy in adoptland, and the limited contact with their first daughter Carly is far from ideal. In 2013, The Baby Sellers on Lifetime with Kristie Alley showed the dark side of international adoption.

Embryo 'adoption' just creeps us out

Jane

 A reader asked us what we think about embryo adoption. She and her husband have nine embryos left over after creating a baby through in vitro fertilization. She cannot carry another child, but she and her husband do not want to destroy the frozen embryos or donate them to science, which is basically the same thing.

The idea of creating a child to be raised by genetic strangers is just wrong. Child adoption at least has a socially valuable underpinning--to provide a home for a child who needs one. Embryo adoption exists solely to meet the needs of adults, those who believe life begins at conception and those who want children.

Review: Gus Van Sant's film about John Callahan doesn't shy away from adoption theme

John Callahan

Don't miss director and producer Gus Van Sant's new bio-pic about cartoonist John Callahan, Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot. A story of loss and redemption. Callahan's witty and sardonic cartoons were an armor to protect himself from the pain of two immutable disabilities, adoption as an infant, and quadriplegia when he was 21. He told everyone who would listen: "Here's the four things I know about my mother: She was unmarried, she was Irish American, she was a teacher, and she didn't want me.

Born in 1951 in Portland, Oregon, he was placed in a convent home, adopted a few months later, and raised in The Dalles, a small town 80 miles east of Portland. He never fit in with his adoptive family.

Lies in Adoption: You will have another child and other fallacies fed to first mothers and their adopted 'children'

Lorraine

"You will have another child and put this one behind you." Around a third of all women who surrender a child will never have another--more than half because they chose not to; the rest because they cannot get pregnant again.

"I am so sorry to tell you that your baby died right after birth." Could be true. Could be a convenient lie--who's ever going to know the difference? 

"You must forget and think of your child as dead." Not necessarily a lie, but a directive instead, an order impossible for most to follow, though some seem to come close. A priest told this to one of my friends. She found her daughter shortly after I found mine.

Gov. Cuomo signs bill giving adopted people in NY their original birth certificates

My daughter (center) with her daughter, my mother
and me. My family. 

As on January 2020 individuals born and adopted in New York will be able to have a copy of their original birth certificates with the names of their biological parents, if so listed.

What a simple statement of fact.

How long it has taken to write those words. For me, nearly a half century.

Many of you already know this because it's been all over Facebook and Twitter and even the eleven o'clock news last night. Yesterday evening when I got the news from my husband--Florence called  and she told him--when I was out having tea with a friend not related to this issue. At first, sitting on the couch in our living room, I hardly reacted to his words. I had been assured the signature was coming even though the wait was driving us all nuts, and so now, I thought, Oh, thank god, Cuomo's finally signed the bill.

Give adoptees their original birth certificates as a birth right--writing to New York Senators

Lorraine

My letter to New York Senators on the Health Committee in the state legislature:  

Dear Senator X:  A true identity should be everyone’s birth right as a matter of course. I am writing to ask you to support legislation which would allow adoptees to receive a certified copy of their birth certificate upon reaching the age of 18.

In 1966 I relinquished a daughter for adoption in Rochester, New York. At the time, I objected vigorously against the “forever” sealing of my daughter’s birth record to my social worker. All to no avail; I had no choice but to go along. The law—the 1935 law—was the law, and I had no voice, no choice.

How much does DNA matter?

Lorraine and daughter, Jane, 1982

How twins separated at birth relate to one another when reunited has fascinated behavioral scientists--and me too, ever since I plunged into that group of mothers who would give up a child and later be reunited. Did my daughter and I find many seemingly uncanny similarities? That grew and strengthened as we got to know one another? 

Yes. And yes. Honestly, our reactions to life were so similar that there were times it was as if we had never been separated. One of my fondest memories is sitting in the outdoor garden at the top of the World Trade Center (yes, there was one once) for a half hour, sitting on a park bench, and watching helicopters dance around the Manhattan skyline. Not only were we both not afraid of heights, we sought them out. But I've written about our similarities before so first time readers will have to take this at face value or check out some of the links below.