Saturday, March 28, 2009

An Un-Open Adoption: Adoptive Parents Lie and Break a Mother's Heart

I recently joined Facebook and there have connected with many new people involved in adoption issues. One of them is Vanessa from Texas, a birth mother who was promised an "open" adoption, but it was slammed shut when her son was six. While we bloggers three--Jane, Linda and Lorraine--gave our children up when open adoptions did not exist or were extremely rare, today they are the most common type of private adoption in the country. However, any woman considering entering into such an agreement should heed this tale of caution:

By Vanessa:

When I learned that I was pregnant at 19, the baby’s father and I had recently split up. I was alone, scared, unsure of what to do. By the time I was five months along, I was considering adoption, but I did know that I would not be able to simply give my child up and not know what had happened to him or how he was as time went by. If I were going to pursue this option, open adoption was the only route I was willing to consider. I contacted a local agency, met the director, and made this very clear. It was open adoption or nothing.

I moved into the maternity home provided by the Blessed Trinity Adoptions in Texas, which is no longer in business. While I was still unsure about giving my child up, the pressurized atmosphere of the maternity home convinced me that I would not be the better parent for my child because I was young, unmarried, and did not have a four-bedroom house on a cul-de-sac. The social worker and the agency director strongly encouraged me to look thorough prospective parent profiles and select a couple whom I might discuss open adoption with. I found a couple who seemed to be what I was looking for: a stable, loving people—good Christians—who would be able to provide my child with everything that I could not (or so I thought).

Our first meetings went well. I voiced my reluctance about going through with the adoption—if they were unwilling to agree to regular correspondence and pictures of my child until age 18. At that point, of course, he would be old enough to make his own decisions. The agency did require that the couple agree to a single visitation when my child was one, and held out the promise that there might be more. Yet I was still apprehensive. My hesitation must have been obvious, and so, during our last meeting—shortly before I gave birth to my son—both the man and the woman looked me straight in the eye and promised that they would honor our spoken agreement for an open adoption. I believe they would have said anything to get my child.

I had the agreed-upon one-hour visitation when he was a year old, but that was it. I was never offered any other visitations or meetings with them, or, more importantly, my son. For six years I received the promised pictures and correspondence, and while they were always bittersweet at least I had some connection with my son.

Everything ended when he was seven. The adoptive parents moved and left no forwarding contact information. The correspondence and pictures no longer came. I had no way to reach them. I was devastated. A lawyer I contacted after a few years told me that because I did not have a signed legal agreement specifying certain conditions, there was nothing that I could do. However, I am not sure what good a signed paper would have been anyway because in most states such arrangements are difficult, if not impossible, to enforce.

The people who adopted my son—supposedly good Christians—were people I trusted, yet they deceived me and destroyed my relationship with my son. To anyone who says that getting a child under these false pretences is not coercion, you are wrong. I would never have agreed to let my son be adopted if I knew the couple would not honor their promise. They dangled the carrot of “open adoption” before me, but it was a lie. Living with the knowledge that I entrusted them with my child has been a terrible cross to bear.

Twelve years went by without any word. But when he was 18, I found him and we recently met. After I told him that I always regretted giving him up he looked me right in the face and said that “God put him where he was supposed to be.” The very people who betrayed me have brainwashed him into believing that it was “God’s will” that he was adopted by them. I doubt they also told him that it was “God's will” that they lied to his mother and let her live in a state of despair and disillusionment all of these years.

The adoptive parents who do this are not "loving" parents or good Christians; they are heartless wretches. I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy. If there is anyone out there who is considering embarking on an “open adoption”, please reconsider. While I commend those adoptive parents who do honor their child’s mother and the agreements for openness, there are far too many who don’t. The psychological damage this causes is devastating. I am not the only person who has been tricked into agreeing to an “open adoption.” There are many other women like me.

The adoption industry is built upon the premise that infertile couples are more deserving of your child than a young, unmarried woman because they have more disposable income at the time your child is born. What older couple doesn’t have more money than most 19-year-olds? But that does that make them more entitled to someone else’s child. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Financial and life situations change. To anyone considering an open adoption, I say...find another way.

____________________

For other posts on "God's Will," see also: God's Will? I don't think so.

36 comments :

  1. My God, Vanessa, this is heart-breaking. I wish birth mothers could be counseled and told an unplanned pregnancy is a time of crisis and never a time to make a life altering decision.

    The lies that scatter the path of adoption are so many and so outrageous, it's a wonder anyone can keep track of them.

    You're absolutely right when you say "adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

    The playing field has never been level. Women like yourself are never given the opportunity to start out with the baby and find out for yourself just how very strong you are!

    No matter how wonderful the adoptive parents look on paper, nothing in their lives is a guarantee.

    For them to say and convince your son that it was God's will makes me feel sick. Those who know God's will do not lie, cheat and steal; they do not break the vows and promises they make.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Hopefully it will prevent someone else from falling prey to the baby snatchers.

    Peace to you and those you love,
    Aunt Patty

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  2. I'm so sorry that happened to you Vanessa. It seems to be that the promise of open adoption to a frightened mother; is often just another form of coersion.

    My son was born in 1966 and I was told that when he was 18 he would be given my information to find me if he chose to do so. Of course we know that wasn't true.

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  3. Vanessa, you have my utmost sympathy and respect for telling your story in public. More people need to hear about the lie that too often is called "open" adoption.

    If your son is like me, one day he will figure out his adopted parents are lying to him. It will be a horrible betrayal but at least he has you waiting for him with the truth of his life.

    Let this be a lesson to all adopted parents: Lying is a ticket to losing your adopted adult (I won't say child) forever. And this is why records should be unconditionally open to participants. Too many adopted parents have the ability to brainwash adoptees into believing whatever they're told.

    I wish you and your son the very best of luck and hope you are able to re-establish a relationship with one another.

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  4. I'm so sorry this happened to you, Vanessa, but glad you were able to reunite with your son. I hope you have many years to work out a good relationship.

    I hate people saying any adoption is "God's will." That purports a very Machiavellian God, using one woman to supply another more "deserving" with a child. I don't think so. Not God's will but human manipulation and, in cases like yours, deceit and lies.

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  5. I'm sorry you were so horribly betrayed by your son's adopters, Vanessa. May they be wretched.
    I hope your son will eventually find a way to free himself from the strictures of his religious upbringing, and that you and he will form a relationship that is rich and satisfying for both of you.

    Re. the "God's will" thing, though it doesn't specify, I am reminded this article about James Dobson Junior
    http://savannahnow.com/node/697162
    ' Dobson counts himself a passionate supporter of the pro-life movement and programs that place babies in Christian households.
    "It's been a big passion of mine, largely because I was adopted myself," Dobson said. '

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  6. Well, there is more about the sleazy Blessed Trinity (can you believe this name?)Adoptions. In 2000, a baby girl born in Houston was sold by Blessed Trinity a week later for about $30,000 (not sure of the exchange rate back then, but the filthy lucre that changed hands was for approximately 18,500 pounds, as reported in the British press)to a family in England who had been barred from adopting there. You got that right: barred from adopting in Great Britain. A TX judge approved the sale, about 700 pounds of which went to the birth parents...it is listed that way, parents, plural, in the story Vanessa uncovered through Google.

    The British adoptive mother had been divorced four times and already had six children. She had been hospitalized for drug overdoses and alcoholism...It gets worse, or maybe it gets better: The mother committed suicide before the girl's first birthday.

    All this came to light when the custody of the girl, simply called M, came before the British High Court in 2003 after an unnamed local authority applied for a "freeing order" for the girl's adoption. The original sale of the child was facilitated by British "freelance social worker" Jay Carter. However, the British Association for Adoption and Fostering said she might avoid prosecution because the adoption was carried out days before the law was tightened. Pity, that. She ought to be stoned. Along with everybody at Blessed Trinity and...I would like to know more about these natural parents...and the 700 pounds.

    The worst part of this: The judge said he could not return the girl to her natural parents, both in their twenties, because it would cause the child "emotional and physical harm." Now we don't know if the parents are junkies or make meth in the basement, nor do we know if they wanted the girl back. But the whole story is just another sickening link in the stinking mess of baby brokering today.

    Blessed Trinity Adoptions? I'm both speechless and ready to unleash a fusillade of words that go like this: !@#%$#ing Hell.

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  7. I wanted to thank all of you for your kind words and support of me telling my story.

    It has been a rough few months coming to terms with the fact that my son is so loyal to these people, who have not once ounce of compassion for me or what my life has been like since I lost him all those years ago. All they have ever cared about is their selfish desire of getting someone's baby, which unfortunatley turned out to be MINE. I am sorry that I ever met these people and if I could go back in time and undo what has been done I would. Too bad it does not work that way.

    Lorraine, thank you for exposing the story on the lovely "Blessed Trinity Adoptions". I had intended to do that here this morning, but you beat me to the chase.

    I suspect most adoption agencies are like this. They are there to serve the the paying customer, the adopters; not the mother who is going to be conned and coerced into making a decsion that will cause her a lifetime of disenfranchised greif.

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  8. Yikes. It has just come back to me.
    It was Jay Carter and Blessed Trinity that were involved in the notorious Kilshaw case.

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  9. Venessa's experieence how important it is consult with an experienced adoption attorney when faced with such an emotional and difficult decision. Since I am in NYC I would very much like to connect with Jane, Linda and Lorraine. I am also on Facebook and am interested to know which communitiy these ladies made contact with on Facebook. My email address is; ajm@myburghlaw.com and my website is; www.myburghlaw.com

    I would appreciate to hear from you.

    Albie

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  10. I am a mother from the automatically closed adoption era. I have heard SOOOO many stories like this, young women lured in by open adoption and then betrayed. It makes me sick.

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  11. On reviewing my initial response, I was mortified to discover that I inadvertently spelled experience wrong and omitted the word "underscores" immediately following the words " Vanessa's experience." My apologies. This it totally incongruent with the way I practice.

    Lorraine, thanks for reponding,but I still am having difficulty in locating you on Facebook. Please be so kind as to connect with me on Facebook. I am easy to locate and part of an adoption/reproductive community

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  12. Kippa, do tell us what you are talking about, the notorious Kilshaw case...?

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  13. From a facebook friend who lives in India where she has adopted several children, most with special needs. Interestingly enough, we were in touch many years ago through a different issue, severe PMS.

    Michelle Harrison at 10:00pm March 28
    I tried to post this comment but the visual verification never opened up.

    This is what I saw over and over with surrogacy... promises of inclusion, a certain amount of seduction as the pregnant woman becomes "part of the family" until the child is born, and is then dumped.

    The same is often true in international adoption where the culture supports sending a child away for education but NOT for adoption, and parents are told the child will come back educated and will help the family.

    Then, in rare instances when the adoptee finds the family, the expectations are so different and the adoptee feels the family only wants money. And no one explains this cultural conflict.

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  14. The Kilshaws and Jay Carter were at the centre of a huge cross-Atlantic adoption scandal in the U.K in 2001.
    Oh gawd, you can probably find more than anyone needs to know about the on The Daily Dishrag here:
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1139177/Youre-welcome-Alan-Kilshaw-happy-ex-Judith-wed-toyboy-marriage-fell-apart-wake-baby-buying-scandal.html
    (Hope that link works. It would be a shame to miss the scuz)
    The Kilshaw's are nuts. Jude in particular is a one woman circus.

    Here's the connection to Jay Carter and Blessed Trinity:
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/
    article1117266.ece

    "It was Mrs Carter who endorsed Alan and Judith Kilshaw, the couple from Flintshire, North Wales, who bought twin girls, Kimberley and Belinda, over the internet for £8,200, two years ago. The girls were subsequently taken into foster care, and a judge ordered that they should be returned to the US.

    The previous year, a High Court judge made scathing comments about one of her reports for another couple, from West Sussex, who later adopted a child from the US. Mr Justice Johnson described Mrs Carter’s work as grossly inadequate and added: “I do not think anybody could begin to believe this was the proper way of deciding the future of a human being.”

    The adoption agency in that case was Blessed Trinity Adoptions Inc, based in Houston, Texas, the same organisation involved in yesterday’s High Court case. Blessed Trinity was wound up in August 2000 after its owner, Winnell Byrd, died of a heart attack"

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  15. Yes, I remember Winnell Byrd well. This woman had the audactiy to call me on the van mobile phone after I left the hospial without my son to ask me why there was freezerburnt chicken still in freezer of the "maternity" home. I am on the way home after losing my son and feeling like someone had died (because that is exactly what it felt like) and she is calling me to ask about some freezerburnt chicken?!?

    This is the same woman who upon our first phone conversation wanted to know what color my hair and eyes were and that of my childs father. Why did this not strike me as odd that that was the first thing she asked me? I now know why. Too bad then I was such a naieve young girl who knew nothing about how the adoption machine worked and the financial gain to be made from myself and my unborn child.

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  16. I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


    Ruth

    http://muffinsnow.com

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  17. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  18. My heart goes out to you. I was also a victim of the lies of Blessed Trinity Adoptions. At the beginning they (Winnell and Ronald her husband) were so sweet and nice. They took me to my doctors appoitments and all. I was young, single, and scared. I felt like I was at the end of the line. I prayed to God to help me make the right decision. I had 2 children already. That's when I encountered Blessed Trinity.

    I was told that I would have an open adoption that meant that I would get letters and pictures of my boys. At the beginning I got a couple of pictures and a few letters. The more I asked about the children the less the communication would come.

    Eventually all communication stopped about 7 yrs after the adoption. The only thing I knew was their name. I never got any paperwork form the agency or knew the whereabouts of my children. I was told they were in a near by state. The horror of not knowing whether my children were alive or dead. The pain that I carried within me all those years.

    Ten years went by and I get a post card from a worker from the agency letting me know my children are looking for me. My heart sank to the floor. The tears flowed uncontrollably.

    I learned that the children where not in a near by state they never were the were all the way up north. Eventually I did speak to my boys. They know that I never abandoned them. I was honest with them and told them the whole story.

    What's ironic in this case is that I never moved. I have been at the same residence for the last 17 years. That's how the worker contacted me at my home. The same address that was also given to the adopted parents. But according to them they did not know where I was at.

    In conclusion I have been reunited with my boys. They will be visiting for the holidays and they have plans to move back to Texas once they are done with school.

    The agency was very misleading. Whether the adopted parents knew of the deceit I don't know. But I am very happy and blessed that my sons are back in my life. And they know that I love them with all my heart.

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  19. Anonymous:

    I am sorry that it is so long in responding to this comment, as I just now saw it.

    I would love to talk to you more about this disgusting baby broker.

    My nightmare continues, as my son has been so brainwashed by his adopters he did not believe me and said he "trusted what they said" when I tried to tell him what happened to me.

    He believes that God put him with his adopters and he was "chosen" for them. All while they treated me like yesterdays trash and cut me off like they did.

    This is how I get treated by these people, after I chose them from one of the many couples profiles Winnell had in her possession. Good job, huh. I really knew how to
    pick 'em...

    My son and I have no relationship and I don't know now what we ever will. I am sure his adopters get all warm and fuzzy inside knowing they managed to destroy our relationship with their deceit and lies.

    They had that all planned out from the get go, I am sure. Let's brainwash this child to believe that "god put him where he needed to believe", so when she comes a callin there is no way he would ever see her as anything but our incubator. WE will control the relationship, even though he is an adult. It just sickens me.

    I am so glad to hear that you have a great relationship with your boys and that you have been reunited. I wish for many happy years of getting to know one another and making up for lost time.

    I am going to post my email address on my blogger page, so feel free to email me, please. I have wanted, for some time, to connect to other first mothers who were conned by this agency and their paying customers...

    All the best~

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  20. I too am a victim of blessed trinity and mrs. byrd as well as two of the greatest boys you could ever know. this happend to me when i was 16 years old. my boys justin and jacob were just over 1 and 2 years of age. blessed trinity and the now adoptive parents both signed with me a legal paper, so i was told, for open adoption, the jury never seen it, it was thrown out as hearSEY,, everyone of them sat tjere and lied under oath. i lost the trial, i was devistated. i was slandered all over headline news' houston press, among others, which can still be read online by searching brendon baker. 6 months after my boys left with them they shut me off tellimg me, "everytime time they hear from me ot reminds them they are not the birth parents, and slows them from forming a relationship with the boys" all i can say is wow..... thru the years i never once stoped trying to b a part of their lives, not once... it's been almost 17 years now and i never got so much as a picture,.. the adoptive parents told me that justin and jacob know everything and chose not to see me' even told me that they never lie to them and that they knew about their younger brother and sister.. well, about 8 months ago i searched myspace and as soon as i pulled up their names, bam, out of all the people with the same name, i seen their faces, i knew right away which were mine!!!!! i have never cried that much out of pure relief and happiness in all my life. to find out god never let my oldest forget me who has never let his little brother... till this day, they call me mom.... i will see my oldest for the first time in almost 17 years this weekend....!!!!!!! god is great!!!!! my sons love their parents yes, but hate them for wht they done to us out of greed. my boys are just like me and have always felt like they didnt fit in or good enough for their "adoptive parents" they even got in trouble for talking to me when they answerd the phone a few years back when parents were gone, as their phone calls were being recorded..... i will never let my boys hear me say this, but their parents disgust me.... one peice of advice, before anyone decides to adopt someone elses child under false promises and lies to the birth parent, remember this, i can and probably will backfire on you in the end... and u may lose them forever..... to any mother out there considering an open adoption, there is no such thing, "i promise" , they will tell u what u want to hear to make their dreams come true while shattering and destroying yours. i assure u that u will never c ur child again unless they choose to c u. never believe anyone who is desperate to have children. HELLO AMERICA, WAKE UP.... God' has always said, mothers will manage, ur never alone..... please mothers, dont give ur children away, they love u and if u do, u will most likly regret it for the rest of ur life. only u can trust u with ur child.......... please mothers, its ok to b scared, i ts ok if ur not a perfect mother, who is?,?,,
    Its not ok to give up on the most precious gift god could ever give you,"your child" !!!!

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  21. Brandy... email me!! phoenixrising009@live.com. I would love to talk to other women who have been conned by this baby broker. This agency and the adoptive parents who lied to me nearly destroyed me...

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  22. The lies that scatter the path of adoption are so many and so outrageous, it's a wonder anyone can keep track of them.I'm looking for my daughter she will be eighteen in June (soon) never seen her ... Only when she was a new born.Picture were never sent out to me..I try getting a hold of them but nothing who do i turn to...How can i get in touch with her or the agency..Im needing help

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  23. The lies that scatter the path of adoption are so many and so outrageous, it's a wonder anyone can keep track of them.I'm looking for my daughter ,that i have not seen since she was a new born don't know were to turn to.Same people Winnell Byrd told beautiful thing it seem so good ..I was only 18 yr.I pray to god that one day i get to see my little girl again..Who do i turn too.I'm needing help?

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  24. Catherine,
    Your story is heart-breaking and sadly all too common.

    For information about searching and other useful information, check out the American Adoption Congress (AAC) website, www.americanadoptioncongress.org.

    The AAC site may also have information about adoption search and support groups in your area.

    The Origins-USA website, www.origins-usa.org and the Concerned United Birthparents (CUB) website, www.cubirthparents, also have helpful information and support.

    Register with the free International Soundex Reunion Registry (www.isrr.org) which will match you to your daughter if she has registered.

    Write to us again after you have begun your search.

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  25. I'm speechless. For years, I've heard horror stories about agencies and exactly what people will do to 'get a child' and it's disgusting.
    I'm a potential adoptive mother, and an adoptee, and I've been feeling split. The main thing for me is to have a connection with a birthmom, mostly because i dont EVER want my child to go through what i went through growing up. I love my parents, but TRUST ME. As an adoptee, there are few days that I don't think of my birthmom's life and situation nowadays, and NO DAYS when I don't think about her.
    I can't apologize for your son's coldheartedness, but not every adoption goes like that, and not every set of adoptive parents are that cruel.
    Promises are meant to be kept. If you promise a visit every so often, it may be hard on the adoptive parents, but i can't...imagine loving a child so much an then being able to lie to him everyday, and deny him that connection to his blood. there's something very wrong about people like that.
    It comes down to the people you deal with. You seem so sweet. People take advantage of timidness and if they can take screw you over, they will. But please..not everyones like that. There's so much evil in the world, but if you look hard enough, there is some good.

    I'm sorry. I can't imagine. I'm sorry.

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  26. "You seem so sweet". lol. Thanks, I suppose.

    I WAS. Not any more. There are remnants of that young girl somewhere, but most of who I was before this is lost forever. I am now 42 years old. This experience has hardened my heart in ways that I could never have imagined. I wouldn't be so 'sweet' to these people now if I ever came face to face with them again. Perhaps that is why they avoided me at all costs when I found the child I was raped of, via their lies and false promises.

    I hope you are sincere in your comment that you would never do this to a vulnerable young woman. I find it hard to believe that you, as an adoptee, would adopt an infant knowing the pain it causes. I never could. If I wanted to help a needy child, (not needy adopters) I would adopt from foster care. There are children languishing in orphanages who truly have no family. Most infants that are adopted DO have extended family members they could go to. Baby brokers and their paying customers go to great lengths to sever those ties immediately, to prevent these families from staying together rightfully and it is tragic.

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  27. VANESSA, I TOO AM A VICTIM OF BLESSED TRINITY. I GAVE MY SON UP FOR ADOPTION IN 1993, I WAS 17 GOING ON 18 AND FELT I HAD NO WHERE TO TURN. THEY TALKED A GOOD GAME IN THE BEGINNING, I GUESS TO LURE ME IN. LIKE AN IDIOT I FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH IT. I WAS SO YOUNG AND SCARED TO RAISE A CHILD ON MY OWN AND HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. THE ONLY PICTURES I RECEIVED WAS WHEN MY SON WAS ABOUT 1. AFTER THAT I NO LONGER GOT ANY TYPE OF LETTER OR PICTURE AGAIN. I WENT TO THE AGENCY A FEW TIMES,BUT WAS TOLD THAT THAT THERE WAS NOTHING FOR ME AT ALL. I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO SEE MY SON AND INTRODUCE HIM TO HIS OTHER SIBLINGS AND JUST HOPE HE DOES NOT HATE ME,BECAUSE I DID WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE BEST FOR HIM.

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  28. Latrenda:

    I am so sorry you went through what so many other have. You know, Alternatives In Motion took over the records after B.T. closed. When I called them to inquire about my promised correspondence I was told rudely and dismissively that the adopters moved (not far from where they lived when they adopted my son) and left no forwarding contact information. I was S.O.L and do you think one of them at AIM gave a rats behind. The lady I talked to was so nasty and dismissive. I knew I had been had. All they care about is getting your infant. When you get cut off they know there is not a damn thing we could do. After I found my son, he asked the adopters what happened and they claimed they simply "lost contact" after the agency closed. B.S. They sure would not have "lost contact" if they were still trying to adopt a baby. How do you "lose contact" with whomever has the records of a child you adopted. They are liars, you know, of the "good Christian" variety, mind you. Hypocrite liars til the very end.

    Thankfully the internet is now rife with stories like ours, as opposed to back in the early '90's. I hope all the baby brokers of the world today are shaking in their shoes, worried about how they are going to con people out of their babies when the truth is now being told.

    Did you deal with the same social wrecker I did, Marcia? That woman's ugly face is the first one I saw when I woke up after my c-section. She worked at B.T. Adoptions for the sole purpose of obtaining a child for herself, then on to make sure her infertile adopter cohorts procured themselves an infant from a vulnerable young woman, as well. I hope their is a special place in the hell of their god's making, just for them.

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  29. For all those that were "victims" of an adoption agency...you should have done your research. The person that started Blessed Trinity adopted 3 kids of her own. She openly counseled every birth mother and gave them every out. Some even stayed around for 8 months getting their own apartment and bills paid for the entire time...then changed their minds. No fault. Free will. It's called life. You make your choices. If you make bad ones...well you made them...no one else.

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  30. An adoptive parent of three is not who I would consider the best person to advise a woman who is pregnant and feels helpless. Sounds like a recipe for disaster by itself.

    You need to rethink your own "research."

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    1. I was 19 when I called the phone number on the
      Yellow Pages ad that read, "pregnant? Need help?" I had nowhere to go after having been kicked out by the father, and I was naive enough to believe that there must be help somewhere, that wouldn't require my firstborn son in exchange. I reached Winnell Byrd, and I received a ride to the Blessed Trinity maternity home.

      The "counseling" we received came in the form of two group sessions; one in which a young woman who was reconsidering the adoption plan was attacked by several other girls who told her how "horrible" she was for "doing that to those adoptive parents", and another in which we went over the relinquishment papers. No other options were ever explained, offered, described, etc., and at no point was it ever suggested that it would be anything short of selfish and wrong for us to consider parenting. If we "loved" our children, we would do what was best for them, which was clearly to give them up.

      We were kept isolated, treated like wayward children, and we were described as birthmothers the moment we arrived. We were put on medicaide and we all received food stamps, which we were forced to turn over to the agency, who then went shopping for food we had no say in, and no right to have preferences. You ate what was served, at the time it was served, or you didn't eat. And this was not a super healthy balanced meal plan.

      i was never asked if I wanted my son to room in with me, and I had to ask the adoptive parents to wheel me down to see my son. I signed the papers while on morphine, and was then pretty much on my own. No one asked how I was, or whether I needed anything, or if I was coping okay.

      I had six weeks to be in my own place, which included finding employment (we were discourages from working while pregnant), saving enough for deposits, rent, utilities, not to mention a bed or a couch or towels or silverware or cleaning supplies, etc. And I had had a c-section. Within two weeks, I was working full time at a retail clothing store, on my feet all day, still in pain, still waiting for my milk to dry up all the way.

      I got pictures for the first year or so. After that, it was sporadic, as they found time or could make the effort. The good news is that my son just turned 17, and will be flying in with his adoptive mother next month to meet me. I pray that this brings some level of peace to us all. I don't know that there is peace to be had any longer for me, though.

      Delete
  31. @anonymous 10:59pm

    "For all those that were "victims" of an adoption agency...you should have done your research. The person that started Blessed Trinity adopted 3 kids of her own. She openly counseled every birth mother and gave them every out. Some even stayed around for 8 months getting their own apartment and bills paid for the entire time...then changed their minds. No fault. Free will. It's called life. You make your choices. If you make bad ones...well you made them...no one else."

    Well, well anonymous. How do you know Winell? Did you buy a baby from her? She never counseled me on ANYTHING other than shoving blue folders in my face and raving about those all too deserving adoptive couples. The only "out" she gave anyone was a way "out" the door if they wanted to keep their own flesh and blood.

    Dealing with that woman/ agency was the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me and it left me scarred forever. Yes, she put pregnant women up, but never gave them any info on avenues to keep their children. She and her slimy cohorts were nothing but baby brokers. That fact is pointed out here in this story, bright and clear. I am not the only one, either, as you can plainly see. I made it very clear I wanted to take my child home with me and she, her social wrecker and the adopters all got together to berate me when I was vulnerable and scared. When I was lying in the hospital still drugged from a Morphene drip I had a phone shoved in my ear forcing me to tell the adopters to come to the hospital to see my baby. It was coercion at it's finest and if you happen to be someone who was a part of anything similar if you adopted through that or any other agency, you know it.

    Since you want to sit behind your anonymous facade on the internet, why don't we exchange information and we can meet up face to face. I'd love for you to tell me to my face I wasn't coerced when I was at my most vulnerable state. If you happen to be one of those poor "infertiles" that were "owed" someone else's baby just because you could not conceive at one time, I got new for you, no one owed you a damn thing. You most likely made off with a child coerced out of his/ her mother with lies and false promises. What a face to have to look at in the mirror every morning.

    Lastly, in case you don't remember (but I am sure you do), there was no internet back in 1990. I am sure if there were I would have found my way to a site like this and "done more research". Yes, I was naive and trusting. The perfect person to get conned and manipulated out of her child; a trusting, vulnerable young woman. Only scum would play on that and deceive someone to procure her infant. That was the purpose of my story and so many others on this site and other natural parent blogs, to allow young women to see the TRUTH about what they are getting into. That's what brought you here, right? You don't like it much, do ya, that women CAN do more research these days because we have this medium.

    Winnell Byrd was scum, and so are you. Sound like a typical adopter to me, no compassion or empathy for those who have suffered without their children, just they typical "you made your bed now lie in it" drivel. Your happiness was at the expense and suffering of someone else. You'd think you could come up with something a little better than the standard selfish, entitled adopter fare, but I know that is out of the question. Arrogance is the name of the adopter game...

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  32. @anonymous 10:09 AM, Latrenda and any other mother that went through Blessed Trinity, please email me through the link provided on my profile. I'd love to speak to people who went through the same agency and hell I did.

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  33. Vanessa, I just added a link to this blog at the current one:
    Today's new mantra: My Baby, Not my Child

    ReplyDelete
  34. Lorraine, I am sure through the comming years there will unfortunately be many fraudulent open adoptions to choose from; on your blog and others.

    My hope is that one day telling these stories will have made a difference, that the numbers of women who go through with this deceitful fraud will dwindle. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete

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