' [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: A "Loving" Decision? Yeah, right.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

A "Loving" Decision? Yeah, right.

What is wrong with this ad?

I opened my email this morning and found this...yet another
paean to giving up a child.

The movie may turn out to be all right, but whenever I read that someone gave up their child by making a "loving" decision I see red."Loving" for whom? Giving up a child for adoption comes at the end of a desperate decision-making time. Either the mother is too young and can not imagine her life managing a child and going to school, et cetera, because she can't afford high-quality day care, or any day care at all, or the woman is too poor and overwhelmed by the things that poverty heaps upon one to keep the child.

If I had told my daughter I gave her up because I "loved" her so much, she would have laughed at me. Plain and simple, the word "loving" is used to make adoptive families feel good. Yes, they want to think, the natural mother/teenager/poor woman realized that she couldn't give her child all the niceties that money can buy and because she didn't want her child to be poor and foolish like her, so she gave us this baby so we can shower it with our love as well as--gee--all that money can buy. Really, how many women who have a fat bankroll give children up because they "love" them so much? None. How many 35 year-olds with careers make this "loving" decision to "complete" someone else's family plans? If the decision is so "loving" why are adoptees so angry--to judge from their memoirs--after they are reunited?

Adoptive parents are always telling us to clean up our language so they do not feel bad, but how about a campaign to take this bogus idea of a "loving" decision to give up our children out of the vernacular? We gave up our children because we felt we had no good options. It was a desperate act in a desperate time.

The bold below is theirs.

Bitter Sweet

“Bitter Sweet is an important film to help everyone understand what adoption is about. It is positive, accurate and very well done”
Sister Paula, Founder. International Life Services

A Video Documentary Bitter Sweet, Stories of Open Adoption is a poignant look at one of the most difficult, and loving, decisions a woman can ever make. Making the decision to turn an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy, into the miracle of family, through adoption.

Filmed over two years, Bitter Sweet provides a rare look into the adoption process. It features the stories of five courageous women who share their sorrow, strength and hope as they process through the steps of considering and finally choosing adoption for their children.


  1. Lorraine,
    Welcome to the wonderful world of Blogging! This is a wonderful medium and I am sure that it will be a great way for your (and our) message to get out there. Your first few posts are emphatically right on!

    Thank you for choosing to join the yahoo.com/granks of bloggers. You are a tremendous addition, and I look forward to reading you. I will add a link on my blog (if I can remember how...lol). I am a bit of an amateur and not real consistent, but I am getting better.

    Sandy Young

  2. Found your blog and am so glad to read what you have to say!

  3. Nice to find you! The internet is wonderful and so powerful. The lies of just a few years ago will no longer be hidden and will no longer go unpunished.

  4. Lorraine,

    Welcome to blogland! I love what you have written so far and am looking forward to more.

    My mother and I share a blog - we reunited about 3 years ago - and we'd love for you to stop by.

    You are a real inspiration to so many. I'm really glad to see you here.

  5. Welcome, we need as many mothers as possible to share our truths!

  6. YOU GO GIRL!!!

    So glad that Suz pointed me to your blog! I'm adding a link to you on mine.

  7. and some of us were assaulted in hospital rooms, and forced to sign papers. There was no choice that we had.

  8. you said it. absolutely. thank you for adding your voice to the blogging community. looking forward to seeing more here....



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