' [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: How Birth Mothers Survive 'Mother's Day'

Saturday, May 8, 2010

How Birth Mothers Survive 'Mother's Day'

My Mother's Day advice...and for all of you reading First Mother Forum on Mother's Day....shut the computer down, do not read the newspaper, instead...call a friend, go outside and pull weeds from your garden, go shopping and buy yourself something nice (but don't blow the budget), go for a walk with a friend, lover, husband, dog, or by yourself...go to the movies (avoid Mother and Child today, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo might be a better choice)...take a drive, hop on a bike, go to the gym--doing something physical will make your feel better, both inside and out.

Why not read the newspaper? Too many Mother's Day stories abound, even Modern Love in the New York Times could not resist and hit us with a whammy--an open adoption story for Mother's Day: Open Adoption--Not so Simple Math, what a good idea, how timely! 

But remind yourself: Come Monday Mother's Day will be over for another year. It's only a day. It's only a day. Use that as your mantra.

Incidentally, my dear friend Jen, my almost daughter that I've written about before in Letters Lead to an Alternative Universe Daughter sent me the above illustration and it seemed perfect to share. Our story continues as we have met and are just as connected and close as our emails led us to believe we would be. Having her come into my life was truly a blessing, as was Tony's children and their families, as was my granddaughters--now two of them!--life goes on. I know that when I am blue, it will pass. Even when I was crying into my teacups the other day, I could tell myself: it will pass. That often gets me through the worst times.--lorraine                                                               


  1. This birthmother survives Mother's Day in part because of fellow moms like you who completely understand my life as a first mom.

    Happy Mother's Day to you!

  2. Many hugs and thoughts going to you today, Lorraine, just as they're doing to every woman who has shared your experience.


  3. Great article, worth a share every Mothers Day for us with sucky reunions especially. Funny that I see you have an Alternate Universe Daughter. I have one as well, one of the bonuses of going to support groups is seeing that there are some adoptees cruelly shut out of their mothers lives and wouldn't even come meet them once or talk to them! One such woman, a young, beautiful adoptee named Heather gave me my first "Mothers Day" card. It was a black & white card with a jonquil on the front and had a comment, "For Some of Us, It takes Two" Happy Mothers Day! It's a poignant reminder every Mothers Day that for all the moms & found kids that suffer this day without them or any acknowledgement... that there are so many others and we come together where ever (online, in person etc.) and our lives are enriched. I feel like that the Day before Mothers day should be one to celebrate the adoptive mothers as THEY are not the real moms here and need to feel inferior if anyone. Also, I might point out that as it is said, no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them! Be strong out there and carry on!

  4. Who is my alternate universe daughter?

    Letters Lead to an Alternative Universe Daughter

    She sent me gorgeous flowers yesterday...I will post them at the blog since I can't add pics to the comments. I feel blessed to have her in my life. Oddly enough, today she is going to Saginaw, MI to a wedding. Well, that's cryptic to anyone who hasn't read Hole In My Heart yet and only a very few have...since it's in production.



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