' [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: How are gay marriage and adoptee rights connected?

Sunday, February 5, 2012

How are gay marriage and adoptee rights connected?

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Daniel O'Donnell
Today in the New York Times one can read about the marriage of Daniel O'Donnell and John Banta, who, under New York's newly passed legislation allowing gays to marry, tied the knot on January 19.

O'Donnell, Rosie O'Donnell's brother, is described as a Democrat "whose impassioned pleas in the Assembly chambers and Albany's private corridors were considered instrumental in humanizing the push to legalize same-sex marriage, as New York Lawmakers did last June."Later one reads: "Mr. O'Donnell's speeches on same-sex marriage were both comic and profound. 'I don't want a seat in your synagogue. I don't want a church pew,' one of them went. 'I want a license that all of your have....'"

Too bad he doesn't want to give to adopted individuals the same right to get a certificate that all the non-adopted have as a right of birth: their original birth certificates.

O'Donnell is a powerful legislator in New York's state capital and a staunch opponent of the Adoptee Equal Rights bill. What he wanted and he had been denied, however, he was able to get. What individuals who have been adopted in New York want--a more basic right, the right to their true identity--he would deny. He does deny. Rosie has several adopted children, and though she has traced her Irish heritage--and was quite overtly emotional about it on television--the right to do is denied her children. With legislators such as her brother, the fight to repeal the 1935 law that sealed original birth records in New York will continue to be a hard sell.

O'Donnell is one of the main opponents of giving adoptees the right to have what everyone else has.

For more than three decades we have been fighting to give adopted individuals born in New York their original birth certificates. I first testified in Albany at a public hearing in 1977. Please let your voice be heard, whether or not you were born/adopted/relinquished/did adopt in New York State. We must make a loud sound, we must join together to let our freedom ring.

Contact the Speaker of the Assembly.

Congratulate Mr. O'Donnell on his nuptials and ask him now that his marital needs have been met to allow innocent victims of closed records to have their needs met.

If I get direct address later in the day, I will add them. But it's a busy day, but I was too pissed off when I read the story in the feature called Vows this morning to ignore this story. For more on O'Donnell's opposition to adoptee rights, see below.--lorraine
The Orphan Trade, Gay Marriage ...
When you have a family history of breast cancer, take this test. Or, Do not pass Go, Go directly to jail.

For posts comparing the fight for adoptee rights and the fight for gay marriage, see:
Gays have political clout; bastards don't. Lessons from New Jersey and New York
The diference between the gay marriage movement and adoptee rights


  1. Why is he opposed? Doesn't make sense.

  2. For a further explanation of what happened when we lobbied O'Donnell, see the links I added to the post.

  3. Classic hooray for me syndrome. I, I, I...me, me, me. Entitlement. Ownership...even of children. After all they were able to AFFORD their kids! They are their possessions. It is sadly how they think of them. Not as separate individual human beings who have needs of their own.

  4. I do not think that gay marriage and adoptee rights are connected, but that both are worthy concepts whose time has come, and both should become law. Mr. O'Donell was expressing his own prejudices about adoption, similar to his awful sister's, but that has nothing to do with his views on gay marriage.These are separate and unrelated issues.

    On Gay Marriage I agree and wish him and his partner well. On adoptee rights, he should go soak his head in a bucket until he gets a clue. Sorry you have to deal with him in NYC. We have his huge evil twin Christie in NJ.

  5. I just wrote to his sorry ass again. I would love to get him in person, but I am unable to make it to Albany next week when the Unsealed Initiative will be lobbying again. Thankfully, there is growing support in NY, in the assembly and the senate, as you know. I hope that you will be there and that you will shove your foot up his ass.

  6. The point is that guy, O'Donnell, should be in favor of adoptee rights, given the statements he has made about gay rights, and given that he is on the oppressed minority.

    But unfortuantly and sadly the opposite is true.

  7. The problem with the gays rights and adoption is that in order for married gay people to have children most want to adopt. So thats when it goes hand in hand. Adoption has become such an accepted way to "grow a family" that these couples feel they can "just adopt" and live happily ever after.

    So ya....they don't want adoptees to have equal rights because it does not fit into their growing of a family. They have to prove that they can be just as good or better then hetrosexual parents but they can't make babies the way hetrosexuals can.

    I have no problem with gay marriage and i have NO problem with them being parents as they can generally make wonderful parents BUT i do have a problem with how they think they can make their families and how the thought of the actual child orgins are not thought of. It happens in adoption and also donor concieved also. Makes me crazy.

    The comment i read on another forum from a supposed intelligent man that he wanted to "slap the birthmother" for changing her mind convinced me of that.

  8. The relatedness between the two issues is the irony. It is the fact that he as a gay man not only knows what oppression feels like but being treated unequally under the law feels like as well. Yet he cannot identify with the inequity of adoptees and see the hypocrisy of denying equality to another group? The irony, oh, the irony. It is almost as ironic as when Rosie traced her roots on television and was overcome with the emotion of it all but failed to see how she does not value the roots of her own children.

    Buffoons. Both of then.

  9. Loraine, I cannot see any reason to connect gay rights with "adoptee rights". Though some people belong to both groups, there is no tactical or strategical advantage in taking the side of the minority position, in an unrelated battle.

    If more adoptee rights can make it harder for gays to adopt, the interests of one group conflict with the other's. It is not something like how being pro-family-preservation, is likely to be a better strategy than being pro-adoption for the pro-life cause.

  10. Rosie and her brother are big hypocrites.
    Rosie's search for her roots was a laugh
    why didn't this rich person do her search
    for her roots? She is a tv whore and does
    things for attention. I question her mental
    stability and have for years. All celebs pimp
    each other it's all about them.

    I do not consider gay people oppressed
    they are a powerful group. They have
    fought for their rights and won the fight.

    In turn they don't mind abusing others
    rights to get what they need to feel whole
    or equal to or even better than someone

  11. Amanda wrote:"It is almost as ironic as when Rosie traced her roots on television and was overcome with the emotion of it all but failed to see how she does not value the roots of her own children.

    But maybe Rosie believes that her roots are her childrens' roots, too. I know I am speaking from the perspective of a BSE adoptee but isn't believing that your adopted child shares your roots and heritage what closed adoption was predicated on? Opening OBCs, talking about the child's bio-heritage brings it too close to home that the child is a member of two other family clans. I think, at least I certainly hope, that this is not so much the case with semi-open and open adoption but I bet there are people who still cling to those old beliefs.

    Btw, I can see such a resemblance between Danny and Rosie. It must be nice to grow up knowing who you look like and resembling your siblings. Unfortunately, the importance of that probably goes right over both of their heads.

  12. My state had evidence from the Adoption Institute, the AAC, heck, even Right to LIfe was on board, and the bill still couldn't get out of committee. It's ridiculous and heartbreaking all at the same time.

  13. WP: What's your state?

    I urge everyone here in a closed-OBC state to write at least one letter to her state legislator and make the case for your own original and accurate birth certificate. Speak from the heart, someone will hear you.


  14. I am a late discovery adoptee (found out by accident when I was 12). My birthmother told me she would get me a copy of my birth certificate but she never did. Recently, like a week ago, I discovered that in Maryland, if know the information, such as your birthmother's name and where she was born and when, and your birth name, and where you were born, then you can request a copy of your original birth certificate. However, it still leaves out-in-the-cold those who do not have this info. It would be great if both O'Donnells used their influence to enable adoptees receive copies of their original birth certificates. However, it is obvious that they are concerned about the 'same-sex' marriage. Personally I believe that these two subjects (adoption/gay marriage) are not related in the minutest detail, EXCEPT that a gay couple can ADOPT. As an adoptee I would use that detail to specify that if a gay couple can adopt then they must reveal the birth information (and this should be retroactively enforced to the first gay couple who adopted a chid) including a copy of the original birth certificate to their adopted children, when they turn 18. That may make Mr. O'Donnell and his sister, Rosie, take a different stand as to what they want or do not want to do. By the way, putting a plug for myself here. Hope you will visit my website at www.cshoemaker.com and buy a copy of my book, 'Skeletons in the Closet'.



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