' [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Hole in my Heart on its way

Monday, February 2, 2015

Hole in my Heart on its way

Lorraine and Jane, 1983
After more than five years, several rewrites, many tears, rejections from publishers, more tears, picking myself up, dusting myself off....a Lifetime movie that was in the works but died, more rewrites, a book contract I couldn't sign, cutting 20,000 words (!), a story that kept changing as time marched on, encouragement and love from my ever-supportive husband and good friends, et cetera, my memoir, Hole in my Heart, is going to be available in March or April. I'm a publishing it myself. Enough with the waiting.

To make that happen, I put Hole in my Heart up on Kickstarter, a crowd-funding platform, last week and asked for just enough to pay for copy editing (by a first mother who does this in real life), and someone who will format it for publication.

As I write tonight, I want to thank those who helped so generously and quickly to make this happen: Darlene Gerow
(first contributor); Frank Ligtvoet, Lois B. Morris, Robert and Hilary Loomis, Roger Cooper, Ina and Robert Caro, Kathryn Levy, Mary Spitzer, Bridget Morgan, Joy L. Pantelis, Carol Chandler, Katherine Ryden, Cathy Kleinsmith, Jane Edwards, Connie Gray, Eileen Skahill, Richard Hill, Nancy Horgan, Cathie Creely, Ceryl Gribskov, Leslie GMN, Suzy Wiliams, Autumn 01113, Jim Thelen, Anne from Adoption Reconnect (South Africa), Belinda Tilley Landridge (Wales), Suz Bednarz, Eileen Mertens, Pricilla Stone Sharp, Lynn Franklin, Martha Spector, Lisa Roberts--who so generously gave so I could meet my goal this morning--and Casey Porter, Glenn O'Kray, Pam Hasegawa and Sandy Musser. Others did not want to be publicly named. Some did not ask for gifts and wanted to buy the book when it came out. I will post updates as we go along.

To read more about the project, to see the cover art that I have had in my mind's eye for more than a year, go to the Kickstarter page:

hole in my heart

I had no idea this would happen so quickly, and any extra money will be used for marketing to get out the message of the book far and wide. If possible, I would hire a publicist who does internet publicity. Kickstarter will stay open until March 15.--lorraine 

I've had this title in mind for years, but this morning I googled it and discovered that it is a song title with three different sets of lyrics. Those by Jewel fit my own hole in my heart:

There's a hole in my heart 
And I carry it wherever I go
Like a treasure that travels with me down every road
There's this longing lonesome and deep
Kind of bitter, kind of sweet
There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you


PS: Ahh...Downton Abbey. I want Edith to get her child, thumb her nose at her life, and go to London and raise Marigold, her daughter. I could probably find out what happens, but I'm not going to until it plays out on American PBS. How about you?


  1. Congratulations! I look forward to reading it.

  2. Wonderful news! You are a great writer and powerful champion for mothers and adoptees.
    P.S. I'm wondering who is lurking in the shadows outside Mr. Carson's office .....

  3. Hooray! I am so eager to read it!

  4. Congratulations, Lorraine! I well know the excruciating writing, editing, publishing process.

  5. Congratulations! So looking forward to reading it!

  6. Can't wait to read your memoir and loved the Jewell lyrics. Congratulations. Hope Edith keeps Marigold too.

  7. Well done. I will put it on my must read list. The lyrics are so meaningful.

  8. *clapping wildly here*

    The thing with publishing is that you have no idea where it will reach. I came to this blog years after you and Jane started it, and I felt like an animal at a water-hole after a very long and very lonely journey. Your book will no doubt also have that same effect on others, years from now, alongside those who will read it immediately.

    And it's just so important that the truth of your actual lived experience is out there, to be considered, like a little island of reality, among the insane froth of adoptoland.
    Julia Emily - I think the same about you and the power of your written expression too.

  9. ...also, those lyrics express well my feelings too.

  10. Great news Lorraine!! I read your first book, and looking forward to reading this one!!

  11. Thanks, Cherry, for the compliment! I may have to write a book someday. I am really starting to believe that my truth, and the truth about adoption in general, is stranger than fiction. It is truly like an out of body experience!
    I can not wait to read this memoir, and I will encourage others to read it as well. We must get these stories, experiences and feelings out there! People must be made to understand.

  12. Love your determination Lorraine! You are motivational. How long did the 'thinking about it stage' take with your first book?

    Hope there's a way to order by snail mail or through bookstores.

    1. Cindy: You will be able to order it from Amazon, or directly from me eventually. Bookstores are going to take a while. I want to reach everyone in the adoption triad and change hearts and minds. That's all.

    2. Thanks Lorraine. Glad to know. Also congratulations. Truly a labour of love.

  13. Congratulations, Lorraine! I look forward to reading it. Thank you for persisting in order to share something so important for people to hear about.



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