' [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Adoptees: Make you voices heard! in an anonymous survey

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Adoptees: Make you voices heard! in an anonymous survey

Lorraine speaking up at a NY legislative
hearing. Not heard enough yet in Albany! 
Natural mothers and adopted people often say there is no place to make their voices heard and for the obvious reason: That is true. The generally accepted view is that adoption is just peachy, and those with an opposite view should sit down and shut up. This blog is a place to let our feelings out. Yet we can and do have different opinions about our experiences. I hear from adoptees who are quite content with their adoption, along with those who are not. (I don't hear from natural mothers who are happy with their choice, however.) Below is a way to let adopted people, through an anonymous survey, make their feelings about adoption known. Surveys like this become part of the research data about adoption, and that can be more effective than individual comments, because that way we can be dismissed as just one disgruntled individual after another!

The survey closes tomorrow! Be a doer--add to the research about adoption--and take it now before you forget. It really only takes a minute.

Tomorrow I will be back with a post about lies in adoption.

And while I have your attention, Suzanne Bachner's award-winning performance piece, The Good Adoptee, will be back in New York January 2-13. I've seen it once, and it is totally fabulous and right on the money. I'm planning to be at the matinee performance January 9. Details and link in the sidebar under the ad. See you there! Email me via forumfirstmother@gmail.com if you will be there too. Bring your copies of hole in my heart to be signed if you like. Now to the survey:

Adult Adoptees Anonymous Survey

We are seeking input from adult adoptees (18 and older) that we can share in the Winter edition of the CPFA newsletter to provide insight for our readers.

The link https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/ZPJ7YGH will direct you to a brief survey.  The survey is for adult adoptees only, it is anonymous, and will only take a few minutes to complete. The survey will close on December 12th.

If you are an adult adoptee, we would appreciate your participation, and ask that you forward it to others you think would be willing to participate. If you do not fit the criteria, please share the link with adult adoptees you know.
Please contact Janet Pollio at info@cpfanj.org with any questions.


  1. "I hear from adoptees who are quite content with their adoption" I use to be one of those. I think those of us adoptees who have come out of the FOG understand that NOBODY is cool with being adopted. It simply depends on which stage of the FOG they are in. Some come out of the fog when young, others like myself were much older, and others never come out of the FOG.

  2. There are "fogged-up" mothers, too. I used to hear from them when I was working with search-support groups. They would call and tell me how "happy" they were with the "open" adoption they had. Usually they had very little contact with the child or the adoptive couple. They seemed to be trying to convince themselves. Most were young and the child was also very young. The road ahead was going to be long...
    Others were from the closed era and just wanted to remain that way, and they wanted to believe the fantasy they were told by the agency.If I told them they were living in a fantasy they got angry and screamed or cried that they didn't want to start grieving. I told them they were already grieving even if they didn't know it.
    Usually, at that point, they would hang up.....but sometimes they would come back later.



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