Raising Hell and Awareness at Gladney Fund Raiser in Dallas

Details being added as we discover more information:

Cool young babes with baubles on the arms of rich old dudes set the tone at the fund-raiser for the Uptown Women's Center in downtown Dallas of which the Edna Gladney Adoption Services--home of thousands of unhappy relinquishments--will be a part, according to The Dallas-Fort Worth Evening News. Sarah Palin was a keynote speaker at the main event last Friday evening (April 30, 2010).

Well, not really. I mean, not really was that the story in the local press after the protest against the Sarah Palin speech at the godawful Gladney gala at the Fairmont Hotel in Dallas the other night, according to our intrepid reporter and all-around hell raiser, Linda Burns, who organized the protest. "There were many very old, old, ancient old, looking men, with their very, very young--maybe teenage or not much older--wives, said Burns. "They looked like little girls dressed in their make believe make-up and evening wear." (Note: Probably they were older than they looked, just the recipient of some expensive face-lifting. Probably older than they looked and that is why they needed to adopt someone else's baby.) According to Palin's own website (palin4life), parties of four who wished to meet and greet Palin and have VIP seating for the dinner pitched in $25,000 for the privilege.

           Karen Belanger Brown and Elise where drivers were dropping off guests.

Other guests, Burns said, were older women, who became enraged when they read the signs. "They had so much make-up, so much jewelry, and such stiff looking hair, that when they got mad, it was a sight," she observed. "I live on a farm and have a rooster named Rudy.  Some of these women would do their necks like he does, ruffle their feathers, and eyes pointed down the long beaks."

Gladney is been one of the main supporters of keeping adoption records sealed and preventing adoptees from having their original birth certificates and identities; Gladney is a founding member of the numero uno enemy of adoptee rights, The National Council for Adoption, otherwise known as NCFA (pronounced Nick-FA). "We believe the only reason birth records are closed to Texas adoptees is due to the wishes and whims of the Edna Gladney agency," said Burns, who reported for Birth Mother, First Mother Forum. Gladney maintaining an outreach office in the Dallas Uptown Women's Center is clearly an outreach to convince more women to give up their babies to fill orders for their waiting customers, prospective adoptive parents.

According to Burns, many of those attending the gala were quite bothered by the protesters. "They did not like us," Burns noted in her usual understated way. Many who came to hear Palin were guests of the hotel and came outside to gawk--amazed--at the protesters, who carried signs that said: "Genetic Secrecy Kills Adoptees."

One man approached Burns and told her that he had adopted a daughter from Gladney 35 years ago, and he was rather put out by her sign. Burns showed him the scar on her left temple and forehead and told him that people in her family had died from brain aneurysms, but as long as the records were sealed, people like here would not be able to pass this information on to the next generation.

"Medical histories constantly change," Burns said. "Would Gladney keep him informed? When was the last time Gladney told him there was a medical situation the daughter needed to be made aware of? Medical conditions like brain aneurysms kill--this is one of many reasons that adoptees should have open records."

Another protester, Elise Perkins had a sign that read, "Gladney Get Out,  From a 1973 Gladney Survivor".  She and others sometimes chanted, "Gladney Get Out!" Bill Betzen (pictured here with Burns) spoke to many people and offered a hand of friendship and help to any needing to understand adoption.
                            
Not all the guests appeared to be upset with the protest; some smiled at the rabble-rousers as they went in. "I believe there are some that Gladney supporters that just don't have a clear understanding of what the facts are, Burns commented . "I believe these people would not be supporting Gladney if they knew the facts."

As an aside, Palin's teenage daughter did not offer her baby to adopters, but chose instead to raise her, and for that we applaud Bristol Palin. 

To those who wonder if Palin's politics were a reason for the protest, Burns wants to make it clear  that she is a registered Republican, and a Tea-Bagger, but anti-Gladney. "Just having a grandson born outside marriage does not make her an expert on adoption," Burns remarked.

The Dallas Police at the scene told Burns and company that they were were the best (Ed, I.E., well behaved) protestors they had ever seen, and several of them agreed with them. "They didn't appear to be is such awe of Gladney as the Fort Worth Police, added Burns, obviously speaking from prior experience which she did not elaborate. 

Three television stations and a newspaper covered the protest but a quick search did not turn up any coverage. Found the below link: --lorraine 

Friday Night, These Folks Wanted to Teach Sarah Palin a Thing Or Two About Adoption
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PS: We  hope that if any women reading this who feel they MUST relinquish their child for adoption will not use the Gladney agency, but find another that supports, really supports, open adoption and our advice would be to hire a lawyer on your own and draft a contract that the adoptive parents sign in the presence of a notary. As well as your own lawyer. Adoptees who come through the Gladney process and want to find the truth of their origins later in life are generally screwed. Do something better for your child, no matter how cushy the comforts of the agency home. You can say no. You can. Say. No.

Search Angel reports nearly 100% success....part two

This is the continuation of Linda Burns's essay on searching and her near perfect reunion rate:

Most siblings happily unite, and the non-adopted siblings find the experience of having a new brother or sister to be exciting and affirming, but I am aware of several families where there has been one child who has not been receptive. In general, those who resent the new sibling fall into one of two categories: either she (or he) is the youngest child, the one who is used to being coddled by her siblings and is the center of attention in the family; or she has been the “only” daughter in a family of boys. Now their special status has been taken over by the exotic “other” that the family wants to welcome.

One family that has very happily reunited consists of a large family of males. Their adopted sibling is female. This lady is being spoiled beyond belief! These guys had always wanted a sister—they said they just wished she had found her Dad earlier.The sister and one of the brothers are both university professors and have become very close.

A Picture of my hero, Ann Fessler, and me. I am Linda in her book, The Girls Who Went Away

We have been asked to find about twenty fathers in all these years, and my husband talks to the men—except for a few who needed a little mothering. An ordained minister, Tom has devoted most of his ministry to Texas Search Ministries, our little group of searchers. He handles the contacts sympathetically, and so far, none of the fathers have turned down a reunion. Only one man asked me to find his son; all the others were adoptees looking for their fathers.

Children sent out of the country

One heart-breaking issue is finding adoptees who were born in Texas sent to Mexico, France, and Spain. Texas Cradle Society of San Antonio, Texas sent at least 20 percent, perhaps as much as 30 percent, of their babies outside the United States, usually when they were at eleven days old. I doubt they ever checked on these children again. Young mothers were trying to give their babies the all-American life, but if the adoption agency had the word "international" in their name....the babies were often adopted out of the country. (The Edna Gladney Home in Ft. Worth is doing the same today.)

These children did not have the physical traits of those where they were sent. They lost their American heritage and citizenship. Those I have talked to say they never felt truly accepted in their new homeland. Most were adopted by very rich families. The adoptees say they were on display to demonstrate the wealth of the family, and that the biological siblings often did not like them. One lady said that because she was fair, blonde, blue-eyed, in a family of darker Hispanics, she always felt a freak. She was "different".

The mother of one of Texas Cradle's International adoptees will be at the march on February 13—this coming Friday—in Austin. With the help of a searcher who speaks Spanish, we found her daughter living south of Mexico City. We found another child in France and were horrified to learn that he did not know he was adopted. However, he was so happy to know the truth of his origins because he could now understand why he is so different from everyone around him. There was nothing wrong with him! He said any fool should know you can't make a Texas boy into a Frenchman. I certainly see his point for I just can't see my husband as a Frenchman.

The law will get you if you search…

We mothers signed papers saying we would never look for our children, and we were told that if they ever searched we could be sent to prison for fraud. I am not making this up. This wasn't in the surrender papers, but this was drilled into us by the social workers. This is what I heard, and I have heard many other mothers say they were told the same thing. We were told our signing the relinquishment papers meant we had to let go forever. I believe this is why there are not as many mothers searching. But I am living proof that a mother will not serve a day in prison if she searches. I can also testify that a mother who does not search, will live her entire life in a prison of her own making. I hope every mother will attempt to find her child. To those who are afraid to search, let me say, Don't be a prisoner of the past. Be free to live again.

It is typically fairly easy to find adoptees in Texas. There are always exceptions, but usually it can be done quickly. Mothers need to search and give their child the choice to know them or not.

I am not going to openly share the way I search is that that could lead to avenues being closed. I am very thankful to David Gray at adoptionsearching.com because he taught me how to use the various records that are available to the public to my advantage. David’s brother wrote, Men From Mars, Women From Venus, but David wrote new life for parents and children when he began compiling open records for Internet use. Ancestry.com also has these same records, but the price difference and the ease of using adoptionsearching.com makes that a better choice. David has tips on his site which are very helpful.

I have seen recent statistics about reuniting, but they do not hold with what I have seen in Texas. Either we are different from the rest of the nation, or the record keeping in other states is not very good.

In closing I want to add that when the mother and child are reunited, they need to meet personally as soon as possible. Until they have touched each other, they are still a name, not individuals. After that first hug and kiss, they are REUNITED!--Linda Burns

email her at: momoburns@yahoo.com

Search Angel reports nearly 100% success

Since the statistics--that specious 50 percent refusal rate coming out of Wisconsin--continues to baffle us, today we have a report from a birth mother who became a search angel, Linda Burns of Red Rock, 30 miles from Austin. She has reunited approximately a thousand adoptees and their first/birth/natural/biological mothers. She led the demonstration at the state capitol there that is featured on the blog to your right. Linda's story is including in Ann Fessler's The Girls Who Went Away. Linda's refusal rate is exactly two women, and that is seemingly because of missteps made by members of the adoptive families. But hey! Two women represent--two tenths of one percent. That's right, .2 percent.

Even if she has done fewer than a thousand, say only eight or nine hundred reunions, her success rate is fabulous and what we expect, compared with other statistics. So exactly what is going on in Wisconsin? I hate to say it but it could very well be that many mothers need to be brought along to resurrect the pain of surrender of their children, and be willing to tell their families, deal with the fall out, and face a reunion. And birth/first mothers are of course the best to counsel and encourage them on this difficult emotional journey. As of this morning (2/6/09) I do have not have an answer from my request for further information from the Wisconsin Adoption Records Search Program. Here is Linda's excellent report:

I learned how to search from those helping me reunite with my daughter and I promised that I would help others with the knowledge that I gained. I have helped reunite about 1,000 families. There are several of us that work together so we can solve cases that are very difficult. Lately, we have been aging and not able to work as we did in the past. Living on social security makes travel a little difficult these days so we try to limit cases to our own areas.

Out of these 1,000 or so families, only two mothers have refused contact. I always ask the client (whether adoptee or birth parent) to let me or someone working with me to make initial contact. If I am working for an adoptee, then I can call the mother and hopefully bond with her. If my client is the mother, I make the call to the adoptee to protect the mother--in case there is a refusal. Also, I don't want anyone, mother or child, to say the other "tracked me down." If the adoptee refuses contact, it will be easier for the mother to hear the news from me, rather than her child. However, I have never had an adoptee not want contact.

Adoptive families are often very unkind, trying to keep the adoptee away from any of the first family. However, sometimes the enthusiasm of some family member gets the better of them and they make the call instead of waiting. Twice recently I have had son-in-laws make the call before I was able to find the correct phone number for the mother. These are the only two mothers who refused contact. I have had a few adoptees make the call to mothers, but everything turned out okay there.

One of the mothers who refused contact said to "just let it go". I am still upset about the use of those words--her child is not an it. I have emailed her, but we have not been able to speak. The husband of the adoptee made the initial call, and the adoptee then got on the phone. After being rebuffed by her first mother, the adoptee no longer desires further contact with her. Now I am working on her genealogy--she has two siblings and a lot of cousins, but does not want to cause problems by calling them. In the other case, the adoptee's husband only spoke to the adoptee's mother--it was exactly the same story. I sent this mother a copy of The Girls Who Went Away, wrote her a letter, and asked if I could visit. The mother was in her seventies, and ill, and died shortly afterward.

I did have a first mother once tell me she was not the mother of her daughter. She told me she was a mother, but that I had the "wrong mother." I thought she was lying. Later, she called me back, and asked for more details. She started crying and said, "They told me my daughter had died at birth. I am so glad she is alive!"

I have never spoken to a mother who has not reunited, joyfully, with their children. I believe it is because I am open about my daughter's adoption. I begin the conversation with, "My name is Linda Burns and I am working on your "maiden name" genealogy and I would like to ask you just a couple of questions if you don't mind. I will be glad to give you a copy of the work that I am doing if you are interested in genealogy. It's free!"

Then, I tell them that I am working for "adoptee's name", who is related to someone in the family. I explain I help people who are searching for their roots because someone helped me once, as I am a mother who had to surrender a child for adoption in 1966. Since we have been reunited, we both help others all we can, to show God how thankful we are for all He has done for us. Then the mother and I usually get to chatting, and each and every mother I have spoken to has a special place in my heart for her relinquished child. No one can possibly understand how that feels except another mother who had to surrender a child. I have never spoken to a mother that I did not feel closely connected to, and by the time we get off the phone, I always feel that she is a friend.

I helped an adoptee who had a court intermediary locate his mother. The mother refused contact. Oddly enough, I knew the mother as I was with her at the maternity home. Her son asked me not to contact her as she told the intermediary that she was not ready at this time, and he wants to respect her wishes. I believe this mother has suffered a lifetime from surrendering her son. I know my husband and I could help her, but we always follow the rules that are set out by the one searching.

Linda Burns and her husband Tommy. "Tommy says I must learn to say 'our daughter' and not 'my daughter'. He is not her biological father, but he is a father to her and loves her with all his heart."

To be continued on Sunday, 2/8/09.