Now is the time to change the world: WRITE YOUR LEGISLATORS

Now is the time for all good women and men to come to the aid of adopted people and let legislators know that everyone should have a clear and unfettered right to their identities, the one locked up with their original birth certificates.

Texas, California, Missouri, and my home, New York, are the states with legislative action going on (that I'm aware of) that would give adopted people the same rights as those not adopted.Now while the legislators are still in session is the time to make our voices heard. Instead of just sitting back and reading and venting about what went wrong in our lives when we took a left turn instead of a right, or why our reunions are not better, turn that emotion and passion into action. Please take a few minutes to write your own state assemblyman and senator and speak up and speak out! If I had a megaphone like Harvey Milk to get this crowd going, I would use it. So today instead of writing about feelings, or the latest adoption-related outrage, I'm posting there the letters I am sending to legislators in New York.

Please join me. Use any parts of the letters below but always tell who you are in relation to the bill in your own words. That will be a hundred times more effective than using someone else's words. These letters of course are for New York legislators. If you are from a different state (see notice about Texas in the sidebar alongside this blog)

Dear Senator:

I am writing to ask you to support The Adoptee Bill of Rights, S5269, that would give adopted people their original birth certificates without restrictions.

I write as a birth mother who relinquished her daughter in Rochester in 1966, when the world was a far different place. I kept my pregnancy secret, as I did not want to be known as someone who “got in trouble." But I—like the vast majority of women who have been in this position—never sought or desired anonymity in perpetuity from my child. I desperately wanted to know her one day.

I did find her, and had a rewarding relationship with her—and her adoptive family—for more than 26 years. But I am not alone. Records from other states and other countries that have open records have found that the vast majority of birth mothers wish to be reunited with their children, if only to learn that they are all right. The sorrow of now knowing is great. We do not wish to stay hidden from them. In Oregon, where the records have been open since 2000, more than 9000 adoptees have requested their original birth certificates. During that time, fewer than one percent have found letters on file with the state that their mothers did not wish to be contacted.

The Orphan Trade, Gay Marriage and Open Records Legislation

Though many of my friends seem astonished by the information that international adoption is not simply a great humanitarian gesture, but loaded with corruption and kidnapping for profit, the word is getting out. Yesterday Jane wrote about the commentary and story at the New York Times blog about Madonna and her quest for another child from Malawi. The other day Slate published a piece by E.J. Graff, along with a slide show of pictures and stories. We have trumpeted Graff's work before in Foreign Policy here at FirstMotherForum. Again at Slate, as the New York Times, comments come from "defensive" adoptive parents, some of whom call her journalism incompetent and otherwise attack Graff.

The comments remind me of lobbying in Albany with Unsealed Initiative for open records for adoptees. While most of the people we met were polite, and a growing number were sympathetic to our cause, every now and then we ran into someone who looked at us as if we were crackpots and that we represented only a fringe group.Well-adjusted birth mothers wouldn't be there; neither would good adoptees.

One such legislator, who was absolutely rude and nasty to the three of us who met with him was...Rosie O'Donnell's brother, Danny. I was with two adopted people. In less than three minutes, O'Donnell had the other woman in tears and the man--who had gone to court to get his original birth certificate but been turned down--was so mad that as we left he told the women who worked for O'Donnell that their boss was one of the worst human beings he had ever met. Our few minutes with him reminded me of some of the early talk shows I did back in 1979 when Birthmark came out. When the attacks were almost expected.

O'Donnell told us that he would never NEVER vote for an open-records bills. Rep. O'Donnell (whose district is in Manhattan) is on my mind today because there was a story about him in the New York Times yesterday about how he is shepherding a bill for gay marriage through the Assembly, and how he sometimes twists arms with threats and sharp elbows. Now I am all in favor of gays and lesbians having the right to marry and gain the advantages of legal coupledom, and expressed my views in USA Today some time ago. But just reading about O'Donnell made me crazy mad all over again.

O'Donnell, who is as out as his loud-mouth sister, is all about rights for gays, but all against rights for adopted people. To his mind, they ought to be glad they were adopted at all (by his sister, one supposes) and shut up about their birth mothers because they are all after Rosie's money. He told my group that we were well dressed and were probably nice people before he let loose. He seemed to imply: Hey, I'm surprised you birth mothers aren't all crack whores.

But thinking about the momentum for gay marriage makes me sad that we have not gone further in our campaign to give adopted people equal rights with the rest of us. That we still have laws in most states that prevent adopted people from learning their original names and heritage simply because they want to know. In any other area, curiosity is seen as a sign of intelligence; yet when an adoptee asks Who am I? Who was I at birth? some see it as a sign of ingratitude. O'Donnell is one such person. And so are many of the people who comment about international adoption.

We need more backers such as Paula Benoit in Maine and Lou D' Allesandro in New Hampshire, both of whom were instrumental in getting legislation passed that gave adopted people the right to their original birth certificates, withOUT a "contact veto" tacked on. (Contact preferences are fine.) Benoit is an adoptee; D'Allesandro is an adoptive father. Joyce Bahr of Unsealed Initiative (see sidebar) just informed us that one of the legal counsels of a legislator supposedly sponsoring the bill of adoptee rights in New York was actually very wishy-washy on the issue. No wonder we weren't getting further with his office. Now a new legal counsel is in place.

We need to find people in legislatures who can convince their peers that the time has come for open records. We need more people out. We need more adopted people angry they cannot have their original birth certificates. We need more birth mothers letting it be known they do not want to stay hidden from their children. Yes, I know some want to stay anonymous, and I know some of those children will read this. My heart aches for them but I do not know what to do about these women.

But somehow, we who fight for open records need to make a louder noise.--lorraine
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PS: Unsealed Initiative will be lobbying next week in Albany again. If you have a NY connection (relinquishment or adoption) please consider a day given over to lobbying. Even though you may run into some resistance (as above but I hardly think anyone will be as rude as O'Donnell was), the day is energizing and gratifying, and always results in picking up more sponsors for the Bill of Adoptee Rights. Check out Unsealed Initiative 's blog and contact Joyce at unsealedinitiative@nyc.rr.com.

And do take a look at the Slate story (link above). It's well worth your time. If you comment there, copy and post it here too.