When DNA reveals a new family member: 'It might not turn out the way you want it, but everyone has the right to their own history'

Lorraine 

DNA is changing how many families will be surprised by the appearance of a relative in the family tree who suddenly appears as from nowhere.  You spit in a vail one day, and a few weeks later, there it is, irrefutable evidence that the family has a new kin--someone never heard of before! A person grows up believing he/she was mom's firstborn, and now--they've been demoted to second! Though we like to believe that siblings will welcome the addition of a brother or a sister--and some will--it's not the case all the time, and this is a reality that many adoptees have to face when contacting family members.

The newly demoted child--and I mean of any age--might be jealous, and upset at losing their special "first" status. "She/he has other parents--why do they need mine? Why can't we be a family--like before?" Or, "Where do I fit into the family now?" Not every returning family member will be the firstborn, and other issues will emerge. Children of birth fathers can fit anywhere in the spectrum and remind a wife, and his children, of their father's unfaithfulness, and then start figuring out what was happening in the intact family at the same time.

Why were adoptee birth certificates sealed?

My husband, Anthony Brandt, wrote this column less than a week ago, and it seems apt to publish it here as it is his outsider take on what he saw happened to his cousin when she became pregnant in high school. It also explains why he was so understanding of my life as a mother who relinquished a child when we met. And it led to a disagreement over on Facebook when I posted it. 

As many of you know, he has been a staunch supporter of my involvement in the issue of my life, and supported me and writing this book, even though money has always been tight in our household. 

Anthony Brandt--in his hat

May 31, 2015
The Adoption Tragedy
by Anthony Brandt

Lorraine, my wife, is within a day or two of signing off on the last corrections to her new book, Hole In My Heart: memoir and report from the fault lines of adoption and very soon thereafter Amazon will be publishing it, making it available via Kindle or as a bound book, selling for a price yet to be determined, but probably around $12.00. What a long road it has been--five years, as many versions, always refining it and making it better. I'm proud to have traveled this road with her and done the little I could do to encourage and help