An adoptee doesn't want to meet her first/birth mother

Lorraine

The other day we received this comment at the bottom of our permanent page of tips on how to write to your first mother the first time.

I truly mean no harm, but I find these dos/don't to be offensive. I am 26 years old and I was adopted when I was 5. I have little memory of the events that led up to it.  

Forgive me if I am being insensitive, but I feel as though these given rules are all placed to protect the birth mothers. Regardless of what when on, the fact remains that if we were not raised by these women, they are not our mothers, they are our birth mothers. 

If you choose to give your child up, you have to live with that. I don't think it's fair to refer to the people who chose to raise us as their own to be referred to as anything but a mother/father.

A First Mother recalls meeting her daughter for the 'first' time

in my driveway this morning

Continuing excerpts from my memoir, Hole in My Heart, the sequel to Birthmark, which came out in 1979--when "birth mother" was not a phrase anyone knew. We were natural mothers, biological mothers, one of "those women." Actually in 1979, we were not supposed to be anywhere but the closet!

The following except from the new book is about the time I was going to meet my daughter, in 1981. I know