' [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Search Angel reports nearly 100% success....part two

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Search Angel reports nearly 100% success....part two

This is the continuation of Linda Burns's essay on searching and her near perfect reunion rate:

Most siblings happily unite, and the non-adopted siblings find the experience of having a new brother or sister to be exciting and affirming, but I am aware of several families where there has been one child who has not been receptive. In general, those who resent the new sibling fall into one of two categories: either she (or he) is the youngest child, the one who is used to being coddled by her siblings and is the center of attention in the family; or she has been the “only” daughter in a family of boys. Now their special status has been taken over by the exotic “other” that the family wants to welcome.

One family that has very happily reunited consists of a large family of males. Their adopted sibling is female. This lady is being spoiled beyond belief! These guys had always wanted a sister—they said they just wished she had found her Dad earlier.The sister and one of the brothers are both university professors and have become very close.


A Picture of my hero, Ann Fessler, and me. I am Linda in her book, The Girls Who Went Away

We have been asked to find about twenty fathers in all these years, and my husband talks to the men—except for a few who needed a little mothering. An ordained minister, Tom has devoted most of his ministry to Texas Search Ministries, our little group of searchers. He handles the contacts sympathetically, and so far, none of the fathers have turned down a reunion. Only one man asked me to find his son; all the others were adoptees looking for their fathers.

Children sent out of the country

One heart-breaking issue is finding adoptees who were born in Texas sent to Mexico, France, and Spain. Texas Cradle Society of San Antonio, Texas sent at least 20 percent, perhaps as much as 30 percent, of their babies outside the United States, usually when they were at eleven days old. I doubt they ever checked on these children again. Young mothers were trying to give their babies the all-American life, but if the adoption agency had the word "international" in their name....the babies were often adopted out of the country. (The Edna Gladney Home in Ft. Worth is doing the same today.)

These children did not have the physical traits of those where they were sent. They lost their American heritage and citizenship. Those I have talked to say they never felt truly accepted in their new homeland. Most were adopted by very rich families. The adoptees say they were on display to demonstrate the wealth of the family, and that the biological siblings often did not like them. One lady said that because she was fair, blonde, blue-eyed, in a family of darker Hispanics, she always felt a freak. She was "different".

The mother of one of Texas Cradle's International adoptees will be at the march on February 13—this coming Friday—in Austin. With the help of a searcher who speaks Spanish, we found her daughter living south of Mexico City. We found another child in France and were horrified to learn that he did not know he was adopted. However, he was so happy to know the truth of his origins because he could now understand why he is so different from everyone around him. There was nothing wrong with him! He said any fool should know you can't make a Texas boy into a Frenchman. I certainly see his point for I just can't see my husband as a Frenchman.

The law will get you if you search…

We mothers signed papers saying we would never look for our children, and we were told that if they ever searched we could be sent to prison for fraud. I am not making this up. This wasn't in the surrender papers, but this was drilled into us by the social workers. This is what I heard, and I have heard many other mothers say they were told the same thing. We were told our signing the relinquishment papers meant we had to let go forever. I believe this is why there are not as many mothers searching. But I am living proof that a mother will not serve a day in prison if she searches. I can also testify that a mother who does not search, will live her entire life in a prison of her own making. I hope every mother will attempt to find her child. To those who are afraid to search, let me say, Don't be a prisoner of the past. Be free to live again.

It is typically fairly easy to find adoptees in Texas. There are always exceptions, but usually it can be done quickly. Mothers need to search and give their child the choice to know them or not.

I am not going to openly share the way I search is that that could lead to avenues being closed. I am very thankful to David Gray at adoptionsearching.com because he taught me how to use the various records that are available to the public to my advantage. David’s brother wrote, Men From Mars, Women From Venus, but David wrote new life for parents and children when he began compiling open records for Internet use. Ancestry.com also has these same records, but the price difference and the ease of using adoptionsearching.com makes that a better choice. David has tips on his site which are very helpful.

I have seen recent statistics about reuniting, but they do not hold with what I have seen in Texas. Either we are different from the rest of the nation, or the record keeping in other states is not very good.

In closing I want to add that when the mother and child are reunited, they need to meet personally as soon as possible. Until they have touched each other, they are still a name, not individuals. After that first hug and kiss, they are REUNITED!--Linda Burns

email her at: momoburns@yahoo.com

42 comments :

  1. I was adopted in México from the Texas Craddle Society in early '70s. What you are saying is not exactly correct. The Texas Cradle Societey had a big group of people both in México and San Antonio that was in constant contact with the adopting families and it was constantly reviewing the adopted kids, if they were OK. The took good care in choosing the families to adopt. They would make several meetings per year in which adoptive kids and families would get together and coment on their well being. I have met my birth mother and have a great relationship with her as well as my loving adoptive parents. Please try to see both sides of the coin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello. I was also adopted from the Texas Craddle Society in 1972 and brought to Mexico with my loving adoptive family. What you did to find your mother? I would like to do so but my adoptive mother told me it was imposible. That the firts mothers were told to sign and never try to find the child, otherwise they will be persecuted as the article above says. It´s true mexican adoptive families held meetings in order to check the well being of the children, but it´s also true that i´ve always lived being VERY different. I would like to meet my biological mother, so if you can tell me what you did to achieve that, I would really appreciate it. Thanks and regards. yolandakuri007@gmail.com

      Delete
    2. Yolanda, For information on searching, click onto "Laws, Searching, Reunion" on the right-hand side bar.

      Delete
    3. I was also adopted in 65 by a loving Mexican family. Tecas Cradle Society, born in Fort Sam Houston, Bexar county, San Antonio, TX. I was so lucky. Mel Sexauer and his team did several visits to my home to see if everything was going as expected. We got to know him as Uncle Mel. I have always kept my US citizenship and have lived and traveled many times to the US thanks to the proximity of the city I live in. Yes, phisically we looked different but we were recieved with open arms, love and family values. I have not met any biological siblings or parents

      Delete
  2. I was adopted at the Texas Cradle Society in early 70's as well and my adoptive parents were from Mexico City so I was raised there. I agree with the other person that Texas Cradle Society did not just gave away babies to another countries, it was a whole application process, interviews, social studies and economic situation, even before that they visited my adoptive parents house in Mexico City, after I was adopted they used to visit them or my parents were required to write reports about me. I remember we used to go to reunions with other families who adopted babies from Texas Cradle Society. I have to say ai love my adoptive parents, but have to admit that I'd like to know my birthmother/father or at least genetic disease or something

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was adopted from Texas Cradle Society in 1977, born in San Antonio to an underage mother.
    Texas Cradle Society was VERY supportive, in all ways, when I was 12 and told my mom I wanted to find my birthmother. Due to the circumstances, it was not easy, but they located her a few years later, and I met and am still in contact with my birthmother, siblings, and the rest of the family.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was adopted and Melvyn Sexauer from the Texas Cradle Society handled my adoption,I went to live to my adoptive parent's house in Mexico <city, I never lost my American Citizenship, but I need to say that my latest researchs to find my biological parents have met a dead end, although I could learn my mom's name I have no way to find anything else....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been searching for many years. Texas Cradle handled adoption. We went back to sign papers and get the non identifying information from them when he turned 18. Felt so deceived when they told us he was sent to Mexico and the search would be almost impossible, very sad day. We have family in Mexico and love it there, so it is not about the country..but the deception. I am sure he is with a great and loving family.

      Delete
    2. My mother had to give a babygirl up between 1960 to 1973 or even she was from Mexico and parents made her got to Texas for 9 mo have the baby and had to give the baby gurl up my mother name then was Susana Perez Abrue Brito I have tried many adoptions places they have record maybe it was this place but my mama never wanted to give the baby up back then my mom dad was the Mexican abamdassor for America something like that so please somebody can help us find her or anything they said my mom name won’t be on the birth certificate and my mother is getting old and don’t remember what date she was born just know it was during summer maybe April May June July when she left she had no papers to bring home please someone help my mother find her daughter.

      Delete
    3. For search help, see the First Mother Forum Resources page. https://www.firstmotherforum.com/p/blog-page.html

      Delete
    4. Angela Taylor I might be able to help find him. Please email me hdezfamily @ yahoo.com

      Delete
  5. I'm looking for a baby girl born on April29, 1980. Texas Cradle Society handled the adoption process. Sadly, I was 15 at the time and it was my parents decision to do this. TCS was located on Wurzbach Rd. At the time. A couple, Kitty and Roy ran the facility. Anyone have info.?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My sister was adopted from the Texas Cradle Society in San Antonio with the same birth date of April 29, 1980. It may possibly be her.

      Delete
    2. Gabrielle: I don't know how to reach the above Anonymous. If she or he checked the box indicating that she wished to receive an email update if there was a response, she will get it. If not, she won't, and since this is an old post from last year it is possible she will not be checking.

      We can only hope. If Anon does read this she should first leave a comment here, check the box in the comment form to be notified if anyone else leaves a comment, and then communicate with us through Forumfirstmother@gmail.com, and I can make the connection.

      Delete
    3. Hello, I was adopted from TCS. My birthday is April 29th, 1980. My biological mother was 15yrs old. I believe I have 2 siblings & I know that my biological father has passed. Maybe this helps? ♡

      Delete
    4. Dear unknown, I think I might be your birth mother. Both of us were 15 at the time. Bioligical father passed in an accident and I have 2 children. I am hoping and praying this is you. I had vague communication wth tcs and received 3 corresponding letters with the last one from your father and a picture of you. My email is dlgrli@aol.com if you would like more information.

      Delete
    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    6. Well, there is the email address--nothing to do but give it a try. Good luck! Please let us know if you connect with the mother you were looking for. Our fingers are crossed for you.

      Delete
  6. Looking for fiancé sister. She was adopted after she was several months old. We are not sure exactly. We believe she was born April of 1980. We do not know exact date. Her birth name was Shannon Marie. We know adoption took place in Texas. We were told her father adoptive might have died when she was about 11 of cancer. We don't know I'f this was true or not. We heard a doctor might have adopted. Again not sure. She would have been of mexican/white decent. Pictures were being s t till she was apx 6 months or so. Very vague. Mothers name Virginia k. Culler. She was born November 21, 1961 and had already had one child born in 1978. My fiancé was born December 1981. Family was from Beaumont Texas area back then.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Marie, we are bloggers, not searchers. I suggest you go to the website of the American Adoption Congress for some information on searching.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Texas Cradle Society obviously had management changes over the years. Me and my 3 siblings were adopted from the Cradle between 1954-1960, and none of us were given up for international adoption even though we spent a few months in the adoption process. Our adoptive parents lived in Texas. I eventually found the identity of my birth mother through the Cradle, but she was deceased, and I was her only child. My issue with the Cradle was when they released my records to me, after I got a court order, there was no foster home information in the records. When I was adopted in 1960 at 3 mos old, my parents were told I had been in 3 different foster homes so I don't know why the Cradle didn't provide me with that information. Something very bad happened in one of the foster homes, and I wonder if the Cradle protected the foster family by not releasing their information when I gave them the court order. Or maybe the foster family records had been destroyed. It's tragic when adults take advantage of children and infants in the foster system. Birthmothers should consider having adoption agencies sign agreements not to foster out their babies.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I worked as a Summer hire in 1964 earning some college money transcribing reports for the Cradle. Names were intentionally undisclosed in the part of the reports I had access to as was the identity of birth mothers. The Cradle staff were sticklers on that kind of thing. Very protective of privacy. I have no personal information that would help anyone. I am responding to the concern that no foster records existed in your case file. Quality of foster care has always been of concern to society and I'm sorry to hear something "bad" was reported to your parents as having taken place in one of them and no reason not to believe it. There may have been situations when the agency had concerns about the available foster home, opting for a trusted long time staff person to keep the baby a couple of days until they had a foster home option they trusted. That is a more likely reason that a baby may have been in more than one home without a record than their having hidden records to protect a bad foster home. I knew Mel Sexauer personally to the end of his life. Many families in the US and Mexico remained in contact with him for years, referring to him as Tio Mel. As someone else posted here there was long term contact among adoptive families.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I was born June 17, 1981 San Antonio Texas...searching for birth mom, siblings (older sister that stayed with mother and a brother given up 4/4/79)
    I was adopted through Texas Cradle Society

    ReplyDelete
  11. I was born June 17, 1981 San Antonio Texas...searching for birth mom, siblings (older sister that stayed with mother and a brother given up 4/4/79)
    I was adopted through Texas Cradle Society

    ReplyDelete
  12. My husband was adopted through TCS March 1969 in San Antonio Texas and is looking for his birth Mom.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Check this FMF page for resources that may help you in searching. https://www.firstmotherforum.com/p/blog-page.html.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I was born October 1, 1981 in San antonio texas. Texas cradle society handled the adoption. Looking for my birth mother. Who ever you may be, you choose my family to adopt me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Check out the search resources on the Resources page. Link on the right-hand column.

      Delete
  15. I was born January 4, 1972 in San antonio texas. Texas cradle society handled the adoption. Looking for my birth mother. Who ever you may be, you choose my family to adopt me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My mother had to give a babygirl or boy up between 1960 to 1975 she was from Mexico and parents made her give the baby up we want to say from Texas cradle is was a facility she stayed for 9 mo have the baby and had to give the baby g up my mother name then was Susana Perez Abrue Brito I have tried many adoptions places they have no record maybe it was this place but my mama never wanted to give the baby up back then my mom dad was the Mexican abamdassor for America something like that so please somebody can help us find baby or anything they said my mom name won’t be on the birth certificate and my mother is getting old and don’t remember what date the baby was born just know it was during summer maybe April May June July when she had the baby and my mothers mother did not let her bring any papers back to Mexico City to bring home please someone help my mother find her daughter/Son she didnt know but she thinks a girl. she just know it was a place that held girls married out of wedlock and she said it was like dorms she had a c-section but some stayed there and had their babies and she did not get to see the baby and she was Catholic

      Delete
    2. For help in searching, go to the First Mother Forum Search page. Right hand side, scroll down.

      Delete
  16. Hello, my grandmother was born March 10,1949 and adopted from TCS we recently did her dna test on ancestry but still missing pieces. If anyone has info please let me know. She was a Caucasian blonde hair blue eye baby

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hello, my grandmother was born March 10,1949 and adopted from TCS we recently did her dna test on ancestry but still missing pieces. If anyone has info please let me know. She was a Caucasian blonde hair blue eye baby

    ReplyDelete
  18. For those searching, please take a look at the search suggestions on the FMF Laws, Searching, Reunion page (right hand side, scroll down). https://www.firstmotherforum.com/p/blog-page.html Let FMF know how your search goes.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Me and my Brother were adopted from TCS. He was born October 4 1957. We are searching for his birth mother. He was white blonde hair and brown eyes. I have found my birth family. His bio mom was supposed to have 3 older children when he was born.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Me and my Brother were adopted from TCS. He was born October 4 1957. We are searching for his birth mother. He was white blonde hair and brown eyes. I have found my birth family. His bio mom was supposed to have 3 older children when he was born.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Female born at TCS on February 27, 1971. Adopted to a Mexican couple. Adoptive mother died when adoptee was 5, adoptive father abandoned her afterwards. Have all TCS paperwork, but nothing identifying. Adoptee believes bmom is French or German, was 15 at the time of the birth, and was somehow involved in art or painting. Please email mylivvie99@yahoo.com if this is familiar. Adoptee is in the process of testing with Ancestry, and will upload to Gedmatch & My Heritage. She will also test at 23 & Me if necessary.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Readers: We are getting a number of search requests. Please note that FMF is not a search agency and we cannot help you search.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hello my name is Elsa Davila - back then I was Elsa Garcia. I had a son that I had to place up for adoption in 1977. I heard that the dr. and his wife had adopted him. Back then I was 17 years old. My son had a mole on his face and was very dark in complexion. He is of Mexican descent. I went back 3 months after I had him, only to be told that I would have to pay $10k to get him back. I would love to know where he is.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Elisa, for resource on searching, check out First Mother Forum's Searching site. You'll find a link on the right-hand side by scrolling down.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Miss Jane I am now 62 years old I went on a search in San Antonio and ran into the nurse who took care of me during my delivery his name was Mr McGarity unfortunately he died but he did tell me that the man who delivered my child at the Texas I also found out from him before he died that the doctor who delivered me is the one who adopted my first born. I also found out that doctor died. He should know that he does have a full-blooded sister they have the same father and the same mother my name is Elsa Davila

    ReplyDelete

COMMENTS AT BLOGS OLDER THAN 30 DAYS ARE UNLIKELY TO BE PUBLISHED

COMMENTS ARE MODERATED. Our blog, our decision whether to publish.

We cannot edit or change the comment in any way. Entire comment published is in full as written. If you wish to change a comment afterward, you must rewrite the entire comment.

We DO NOT post comments that consist of nothing more than a link and the admonition to go there.