' [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: BUYER BEWARE: Bethany 'Christian' Services scams customers and steals identities from the (adopted) infants

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

BUYER BEWARE: Bethany 'Christian' Services scams customers and steals identities from the (adopted) infants

Want to know how much adoption agencies reveal about the children they "offer"? The New York Times has a not very nice story about Bethany Christian Services: In Lawsuit on Adoption, Focus Is on Disclosure.

Yes, it's another Russain adoptee story with a child with serious alcohol fetal syndrome. The parents were assured he was a normal "on target" child and did not reveal all that they knew, until years later when someone at this "Christian" organization came up with a ten-page (ten page!) medical and psychological report on the boy. 
Georges de al Tour, 'The New-born' (1640s)
Georges de la Tour (1593-1652), The Newborn, 1640s

I do not want to rail against these poor children, what I want to point out is that Bethany "Christian" Services is anything but Christian in the sense the word implies. The agency sucks big time. Let us not forget while this slimeball of an agency--perhaps the largest in the country, with outlets everywhere--is also among the leaders against giving adopted people their unamended, original birth records, no matter when, no matter how. I hope more lawsuits bankrupt this awful agency, one of the biggest supporters of the National Council for Adoption [check out the list of member agencies if you doubt, at NCFA's website], also adamantly against giving adopted people any rights. It's all about the adoptive parents and their ability to bankroll the agency, and NCFA. 

And do take a look at the story up on the sidebar from Atlanta, about non-profit adoption agencies: Nonprofit adoption agencies often profit someone other than children, families. Yeah, I'm feeling pissed off today at the adoption racket.--lorraine 
Without a Map (at right) is one of the best birthmother/first mother memoirs I've ever read. Highly recommended. See also: Swimming Up the Sun: A Memoir of Adoption, Love Child: A Memoir of Adoption, Reunion, Loss and Love, Lucky Girl: A Memoir and, er, my own memoir: Birthmark.


  1. i was interviewed by them once, as a birthmother, i know big deal, right?

    1. I was adopted through liberty godparent home.. i need some advice i think something is off about my adoption

  2. Dear Anon: Can you tell us more? Actually, I'd love to be interviewed by them as a prospective supplier. But I could not get away with it...

  3. $70,325 to the director of a "non-profit foster care provider in Georgia? Oregon can beat that. The director of Open Adoption & Family Services, Inc, Oregon's largest domestic adoption agency made $90,430 in 2007.

  4. Hey, maybe I should go into the adoption biz on the side, as I am having trouble financially...Become an agency director and move heaven and earth so the girls keep their babies...oh, that's not the point! Agencies are in the business of supplying babies: No babies, no business.

  5. Off-topic, but check out this post about our latest celebrity adopter:


  6. I have long said that Closed Adoption isn't Christian. Either is playing mocking mind games with Adoptees about our idenities or not forgiving you Moms for conceiving out of wedlock. (Especially when do not fornicate ISN'T even a commandent, but love each other is). You know what really bothers me too about Bethany Chrisitan Services is that if a child has infant achohol syndrome and these scuzbags at this agency lies about it, then the child is not getting the treatment he or she needs to possibly heal or function the best they can with this disease. They are completely and totally negligent to the child, as much so as if a parent ignored a child's broken arm that needed a cast. (Which is a lame analogy I know, but I am tired atm LoL). I haven't read the article and ty Lorraine for linking it, but I am glad the NY Times ran it as it is just more proof that we are nothing but chattel and comodoties to money worshipping Christians who think they can treat us like this because we are born out of wedlock or born to poor parents. The screwed up values of Christian organizations never fail to enrage me...
    and P.S. Lorraine, I am clicking on your ads-it is fun! I wish I put ads on my blog-it is a good idea :)

  7. The family who adopted my son also went through this same agency when they adopted their second son. They are the dominate agency in Colorado Springs & the surrounding area where I live. They seem to have the "corner on the market" and charge a premium ammount for their services. Sounds REAL "Christian" to me as well Lorraine..

  8. Bethany was my broker.

    They stole my legal identity and refused to even tell my foster parents what it was. For the first 5 months of my life, I lived under a fake alias--I even have medical records under this alias. Then I was handed to adoptive parents as a "nameless" baby as Bethany not only refused to tell them my LEGAL name but my fake alias as well. Bethany had promised my First Mother that my parents would be given the opportunity to know her ID information AND keep the name she gave me: they lied. They didn't even give me to the couple that she had selected. So, I received a new alias until it became legal the following year when my adoption was finalized.

    Never did they anticipate in all of their unethical and inhumane handlings of me and both of my families that 14 years later, TN would "reform" its laws, I'd regain my OBC AND my adoption file and find my First Mother.

    I believe this is why Bethany rails against access legislation--not because they feel it was promised to First Mothers, but because they feel it was promised to THEM to be able to opperate in secrecy. Heaven forbid they not be able to do whatever the heck they want because the adoptee might find out some day. Heaven forbid they not have the control over an infant's identity.

    Bethany erased the first 5 months of my life. Amending and sealing removes safeguards from children.

  9. I'm so glad that Bethany is finally beginning to get its due. The minute I met with my "pregnancy counselor" she called me a birthmother and I got the "parenting is selfish" line over and over. They picked the couple they wanted and tried to talk me into placing only with them. They knew I wanted to parent, but told me that I was on my own if I pursued that option. After I gave birth and refused to surrender, they said they'd called the couple and wanted to at least let them see my baby. Once that happened, they reminded me about "sacrificial love" and how selfish it would be to disappoint the "adoptive family" (they weren't an adoptive family yet). I was laying in my hospital bed with my baby in my arms, and they told me they would facilitate an open adoption for the next 18 years. I finally believed that strangers with a house in the suburbs were somehow better for my baby than I was. When the adoptive parents closed it (surprise), Bethany's director said well, actually, it had never been legal. When I asked them how they could do this, she said "We use "legal language" that most people don't challenge." When I wanted my own counseling records, they sent me a letter they'd run by their lawyer (I'd called to ask what was taking so long and they said the letter was at their lawyer's office) telling me that I could not have my own records because "others are named in them." I read later in an article that their staff is heartbroken when "birthmothers" don't follow through on placement.

    I could say much more. I don't know how these people live with this.

  10. Dear Mother, Dear Birth Mother, First Mother, Original Mother:

    Thank you so much for posting this story about an open adoption that wasn't. It is heartbreaking to read--I wish more women who are considering placing their child through Bethany Christian Services would rethink what they are doing, and least get their own lawyer to draft a contract for an open adoption, if they truly can not find a way to keep the child. Adoption agencies are what they say they are: they are there to service the adoptive parents, not the birth mothers.

    My heart breaks for you. May you someday find resolution and some peace.

  11. Anonymous,

    Please post your story about losing your baby to Bethany on the Origins-USA website. Just go to www.origins-usa.org "Mother's Stories."

    Our stories need to be told!

  12. There has been a case filed against Bethany Christian Services in polk county Iowa. I bet it is another case of how Bethany Christian Services does not do thier job, causing another family heart break.

  13. I put my child up for adoption back in 2008 with bethany.They seemed very helpful at first but once I had the baby everything changed, to make a long story short I had changed my mind they had lied to me about the papers already being filed and they filed falseified papers to the court, as soon has i find an lawyer everyone will know my story and stop bethany from doing what they did to another birth mother

  14. Any one have a failed adoption with Bethany Christian Services or lost their child because of Bethany Christian Services? Live in Iowa? There will be a Court case in Des Moines with a jury in June. Your are welcome to come and sit in if the des moines iowa court will allow you in. It is time for this bad company to be terminated!

  15. anon, please email the details about this at the address at my name.


  16. Lorraine, this is who I placed my Daughter with 6 moths ago!! I have A HUGE issue, a bunch of errs.. Do you know anyone that can help me??

  17. NAd, I have to stay anonymous because all my accounts linked are my real name etc..

    ~C Love is what i will go by. I have read many of your blogs and I have never seen this!

    They totally ruined everything, in my adoption, they Guilt-ed me, they told me my daughter was going to foster care til I signed, There were 2 different ope agreement signed by all parties, I knew nothing of for almost 3 months, the couple never wanted an open adoption, and I was promised that. They blamed the couple stating they never said anything until after I signed..I had an open adoption plan while I worked with them.. They lied to me on so many levels. I have been trying to get them to help mediate a little more "open" adn even though they met with me last month, they have STILL failed to help me, its been 4 moths, they are buying time.,. I cannot afford an attorney, but I truly believe I have a case on fraud.. I am a healthy, competent mother.. I am freaking out reading this right now...

  18. My granddaughter (1st granddaughter fostered then same celderly couple closed and adopted her,she is having a confirmation which is good that the adoptives did (only due to fact they were already Lutheren.I get a call and My Gr tells me the news and I was a born Babtist so that faith was just not familiar to me with all the ceremonies,wish I would've had confirmation but I still get to go to heaven,some Catholic Priests on You Tube said if a person wasn't Catholic they don't go to heaven-that's not a Christian saying according to the bible,back to the ceremony .I asked her what it involved and she couldn't tell me anything.The APmom and my GRandaughter say 2 different things so somebodys not being truthful,she has been told to forget the past -because I am a constant reminder that I am her only real ,truthful to her and God.I won't or cannot judge those people but I refuse to lie to my granddaughter.She said I am only allowed to talk to her 2 minutes,not much of a conversation,thats not Christian so they are according to their deed is making me out to be bad,what gets the AP;s is they can't find one thing against me and my granddaughter knows how I get in speak fast words of the Lord which extends our converstion,it's true .God is helping me .She'll be 18 and can go and do what she wants .I told her she could come and see me then and she did not know that .They withhold a lot of important things to her and has even slandered my dead sons name -I plan tell my granddaughter to pick up her fathers thrown out case ,this was the cause of her being watched in church where his little family went,she thinks he did something bad to her but he was found innocent and the AP;s refuse to tell her ,even though he was killed in 2011 from fatal traffic -that caused her to hate his name,but she was only 3 .I received oodles of photos of my son ,wife 2 steps and my granddaughter.He adored children,he babysat,lost jobs as wife had A.DD,some knid of mental problem .The hundrey AP's stalked for more kids as they fostered 18 and adopted 3 in the last until she gets hungry again.God save the children in the name of Jesus and many thanks to the people working hard so we may voice at least since they claimed a false forever child-the word forever is not earthly but heavenly,so if there are forever grandmas I would love to know as all children need their grandparents.Theres always good and bad every thing the Industry does is not holy as claimed or sacrificed-the 1st mother was forced after her baby was born due to the FACT the baby might not have been adopted until a year later ,never drive in overnight ones unless it's black market ones .Thanks for your time P.S.Before my son died he told me more than half of the kids the AP's fostered and maybe adopted earlier never returned back to APs and went searching.



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