When I gave up my infant daughter Rebecca half a century ago, I did not consider that I was giving up my grandchildren, my great grandchildren, that giving up a child could create a cascade of loss and mystery. I am one of the lucky natural mothers, though. Since my reunion in 1997, I've been able to spend time with Rebecca's children. I've been to their weddings, They've visited me at my home in Portland. I spent my birthday last October exploring a park on the Great Salt Lake with one granddaughter. I traveled to Peru with another.
Many natural mothers--like Jane Guttman author of
The Gift Wrapped in Sorrow: A Mother's Quest for Healing
--are not so lucky. Their lost child shuts them out. They are told in no uncertain terms, "You are
not my children's grandparents. Please go away." Or worse, they are threatened with legal action if they dare,
dare send a birthday card. Guttman writes:
"Soon Adam [her grandson] will be two and a half. I long to see him. I long to hold him. His smile and laughter are such significant moments
--are not so lucky. Their lost child shuts them out. They are told in no uncertain terms, "You are not my children's grandparents. Please go away." Or worse, they are threatened with legal action if they dare, dare send a birthday card. Guttman writes:
